by  Wally  P. Admitted  to  God,  to  ourselves,  and  to  another  human  being  the  exact  nature  of  our  wrongs. In   a   previous   article,   I   described   how,   during   A.A.’s   early   days,   the   sponsor   and   sponsee together  filled  out  the  liabilities  side  of  an  assets  and  liabilities  checklist.    Now  it  is  time  for  us  to choose  the  person  or  persons  with  whom  we  share  this  inventory.    In  order  to  recover,  it  is essential  that  we  confide  in  someone. In  the  second  paragraph  on  page  72,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  tell  us  why  we  admit  our  faults  to another  person:

“.  .  .  The  best  reason  first:    If  we  skip  this  vital  step,  we  may  not  overcome  drinking. Time  after  time  newcomers  have  tried  to  keep  to  themselves  certain  facts  about  their lives.    Trying  to  avoid  this  humbling  experience,  they  have  turned  to  easier  methods. Almost  invariably  they  got  drunk.” Sponsees  tell  their  “life  story”  about  the  events  and  situations  on  the  one-­‐page  inventory  sheet. Sometimes  it  takes  only  a  few  items  to  get  down  to  “causes  and  conditions.”    Once  they  “come to  believe”  in  the  process  and  experience  the  relief  and  release  that  result  from  talking  about the   things   that   had   been   blocking   them   from   a   spiritual   solution   to   their   problems,   they become  much  more  willing  to  conduct  additional  inventories  in  the  future. Today,  this  is  referred  to  as  “peeling  the  onion.”    We  deal  with  the  first  few  “items  in  stock” during   the   initial   inventory.     This   prepares   us   to   dig   deeper   and   deeper   during   subsequent inventories.

The  “Big  Book”  authors  tell  us  that  taking  inventory  is  an  ongoing  process.    They  write  at  the top  of  page  71,  “If  you  have  made  an  inventory  of  your  grosser  handicaps,  you  have  made  a good  beginning.”    So  this  is  just  the  first  of  many  inventories  to  come.    As  some  A.A.  pioneers used  to  say,  “We  take  the  Steps  quickly  and  often.” How   thorough   is   this   simple   and   straightforward   inventory?     It   was   thorough   enough   to produce   a   50-­‐75%   recovery   rate   during   the   1940’s   and   thorough   enough   to   produce   similar results  today. Sponsees   can   share   their   inventory   with   any   number   of   people.     It   may   be   the   person   who helped  put  the  list  together,  but  it  doesn’t  have  to  be.    The  “Big  Book”  authors  provide  other options.    Starting  with  the  fourth  paragraph  on  page  73,  they  describe  some  of  the  people  with whom  sponsees  can  discuss  their  checklist:

“We  must  be  entirely  honest  with  somebody  if  we  expect  to  live  long  or  happily in   this   world.     Rightly   and   naturally,   we   think   well   before   we   choose   the   person   or persons  with  whom  to  take  this  intimate  and  confidential  step.  .  .  .  Though  we  have  no religious   connection,   we   may   still   do   well   to   talk   with   someone   ordained   by   an established  religion. “If   we   cannot   or   would   rather   not   do   this,   we   search   our   acquaintance   for   a close-­‐mouthed,  understanding  friend.    Perhaps  our  doctor  or  psychologist  will  be  the person.” Of  critical  importance  is  confidentiality.    The  “Big  Book”  authors  list  some  of  professionals  who are  legally  bound  to  keep  a  secret.    This  “privilege”  protects  communications  between  certain individuals  and  keeps  these  communications  private.    The  people  listed  in  the  “Big  Book”  who have  this  legal  protection  are  members  of  religious,  medical,  and  mental  health  communities. Attorneys  also  have  this  “privilege.” This  legal  protection,  the  “clergy-­‐parishioner  privilege,”  the  “physician-­‐patient  privilege,”  and the  “attorney-­‐client  privilege,”  is  not  absolute–there  are  exceptions.    But,  this  “privilege”  does NOT  include  A.A.  sponsors.    This  is  why  both  sponsor  and  sponsee  must  be  cautious  about  what is  shared  during  a  Fifth  Step.    Events  that  may  be  construed  as  criminal  or  abusive  are  best discussed  with  someone  legally  bound  to  keep  a  secret. Not  withstanding  the  necessity  of  being  careful,  sponsees  need  to  share  their  inventory  as  soon as  possible.    The  “Big  Book”  authors  confirm  this  in  the  first  paragraph  on  page  75: “When   we   decide   who   is   to   hear   our   story,   we   waste   no   time.     We   have   a   written inventory  and  we  are  prepared  for  a  long  talk.”

A  key  concept  from  the  1940’s  was,  “The  healing  is  in  the  sharing  not  in  the  writing.”    Nothing was   put   on   paper   that   could   be   potentially   incriminating.     Today,   this   concept   can   be summarized  as,  “Do  not  put  anything  in  writing  that  can  be  used  against  you  in  a  court  of  law.” This  is  why,  in  the  early  days,  an  inventory  consisted  of  a  few  generic  names  on  a  checklist. When  Dr.  Bob  took  sponsees  through  the  Fifth  Step,  which  he  did  more  than  5,000  times,  he discussed  their  assets  as  well  as  their  liabilities.    He  knew  that  most  of  them  were  overwhelmed and   horrified   by   the   shame,   guilt,   apprehension   and   fear   associated   with   their   alcoholic behavior.    They  had  a  poor  self-­‐image  and  low  self-­‐confidence.    These  people  tended  to  treat themselves  badly. Dr.  Bob  would  counter  this  lack  of  self-­‐esteem,  by  encouraging  and  uplifting  them.    He  would talk  about  the  assets  they  already  had  and  those  that  would  be  strengthened  as  the  result  of making  restitution  to  those  they  had  harmed  and  forgiving  those  who  had  harmed  them. In  the  next  article,  I  will  describe  Steps  Six  and  Seven.    Some  A.A.  old-­‐timers  called  these  steps the  “second  surrender.” Wally  P.  is  an  archivist,  historian  and  author  who,  for  more  than  twenty-­‐three  years,  has  been studying   the   origins   and   growth   of   the   Twelve-­‐step   movement.   He   is   the   caretaker   for   the personal  archives  of  Dr.  Bob  and  Anne  Smith. Wally  conducts  history  presentations  and  recovery  workshops,  including  “Back  to  the  Basics  of Recovery”   in   which   he   takes   attendees   through   all   Twelve   Steps   in   four,   one-­‐hour   sessions. More  than  500,000  have  taken  the  Steps  using  this  powerful,  time-­‐tested,  and  highly  successful “original”  program  of  action.

-­‐  -­‐  -­‐  -­‐

Politeness   and   consideration   for   others   is   like   investing   pennies   and   getting   dollars   back. ~Thomas  Sowell

It  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  compensations  of  this  life,  that  no  man  can  sincerely  try  to  help another  without  helping  himself.  ~  Ralph  Waldo  Emerson

We  make  a  living  by  what  we  get,  we  make  a  life  by  what  we  give.~  Winston  Churchill

I  Must  Remember  ….

I  was  born  the  only  child  in  a  Roman  Catholic  family.  We  were  not  extreme  or  radical  Christians, however  God  was  always  present  in  our  home  and  worship,  in  moderation,  was  a  part  of  our daily  routine.  My  mother  and  my  father  gave  me  a  lot  of  love,  protection  and  attention.  They also   kept   me   away   from   alcohol,   even   though   a   consistent   social   life   and   conviviality   were always  present  in  our  home.    I  have  since  wondered  why  there  was  such  a  tight  protection  from alcohol,  did  we  have  a  history  of  alcoholics  in  our  family?  And  although  I  have  never  found  the answer,  I  have  seen  my  father  drunk  on  many  occasions.    I  was  18  before  I  first  tasted  alcohol. When  I  turned  18,  I  moved  away  from  my  parents  to  study  and  start  a  mature,  independent life.  Initially,  I  had  a  feeling  of  relief,  like  bonds  were  being  untightened.  However,  problems soon   emerged   in   my   social   life   and   I   had   difficulties   finding   understanding   friends.   I   had problems  adapting  to  campus  life,  and  my  expectations  for  attention  and  special  consideration were  barely  met  or  rather,  not  at  all.  There  was  an  overwhelming  feeling  of  mismatch  with  the world,  and  I  felt  like  I  did  not  belong.  I  watched  other  people  and  how  easily  they  could  talk, joke  and  party  together.  My  discomfort  and  inability  to  communicate  frustrated  me  every  day and  was  unbearable.  Finally,  in  an  act  of  desperation  I  found  the  way  “…maybe  I  would  buy  a bottle  of  vodka  and  join  my  colleagues  for  a  weekend  binge?    Maybe  they  would  accept  me then?”   Indeed,   that   was   the   solution,   and   the   result   was   far   better   than   I   could   have   ever dreamt.  The  morning  hangover  and  stomach  pain  was  not  a  big  deal  in  comparison  to  the  gift  of belonging  and  unity  with  my  colleagues.  I  found  the  perfect  way,  which  fixed  my  feelings  of detachment  from  the  world. Later,  I  realized  that  I  drank  more  than  my  peers,  most  likely  due  to  body  size:  I  am  a  tall  and heavy   man.   Moreover,   the   morning   symptoms   of   long   hours   of   drinking   diminished   and   my tolerance  for  large  quantities  of  booze  increased.  Simultaneously  I  built  better  relations  with many  people,  I  was  funnier,  braver  and  more  relaxed,  which  appeared  to  be  well  received  by my  campus  society.  I  felt  like  I  was  “a  Man”.    In  addition  my  grades  at  a  University  were  very good,  even  though  some  exams  were  directly  preceded  by  a  night  binge  and  in  many  cases  I was  doing  better  than  others,  and  spending  less  time  studying. There  was  no  power  which  could  have  stopped  me  from  drinking.  Even  though  I  had  heard about  alcoholism  I  was  definitely  not  vulnerable,  at  least  that  was  what  I  thought.  After  leaving University,  my  professional  life  was  progressing  well,  as  was  my  drinking.    Due  to  the  type  of work  I  was  involved  in  I  had  to  relocate  and  travel,  which  resulted  in  many  instances  of  being  on my   own   for   months   at   a   time.     That   was   the   perfect   occasion   to   drink   more,   without   any control.  I  never  acknowledged  or  recognized  the  moment  I  crossed  that  intangible,  tiny  line when  I  lost  the  ability  to  control  my  drinking.  What  a  paradox!  The  control  of  my  drinking  was never  a  goal;  I  drank  because  I  wanted  to.  At  parties  I  drank  moderately,  even  though  I  could have   drunk   more,   but   when   I   went   back   to   the   hotel   or   to   home,   I   drank   heavily   and   the

purpose  was  always  the  same.    Alcohol  had  become  my  fix,  my  pleasure  which  I  consumed  in loneliness  and  deepening  alienation.  More  and  more  I  felt  social  events  were  an  obstacle  for “proper”  drinking.  I  only  felt  comfortable  with  some  friends  who  drank  the  same  way  I  did, heavily  and  until  oblivion.  I  returned  to  the  point  I  had  started  from,  separation  and  isolation. Eventually,  the  alcohol  also  became  an  obstruction  in  my  work,  but  it  was  easier  to  compromise work   and   keep   on   drinking,   changing   my   goals   and   behaviours   to   suit   my   drinking   habits. Ultimately,  I  lost  my  first  job.  My  employer  proposed  a  demotion  and  offered  me  a  role  with fewer   responsibilities   and   subsequently   less   stress.     However,   my   proud   Ego   was   heavily offended.  How  could  they  do  something  like  that  to  me?  How    dare  they?  Having  been  able  to maintain  a  good  reputation  within  my  industry,    it  was  pretty  easy  to  find  another  job  and  to reject  the  proposal  of  demotion. It  was  a  smooth  transition  to  new  employer  and  another  geographical  location,  which  gave  me hope.  I  thought  that  moving  from  one  place  to  other  I  could  start  a  new  life,  but  I  did  not  realise that  the  disease  travelled  with  me.  After  12  months  I  lost  my  job  again.  That  time  was  more spectacular,   as   it   had   ended   with   a   5-­‐day   detox,   hospitalization   and   repatriation,   under   the escort  of  a  doctor. For  the  first  time  in  my  life  I  had  the  thought  that  there  might  be  something  wrong  with  me.  I had   no   knowledge   of   A.A.,   the   Big   Book   or   the   12&12.   I   had   heard   about   alcoholics,   but believed  in  the  stereotype  of  homeless,  stinky,  ragged  people  and  this  didn’t  match  me,  so  it must  be  something  else. There  was  “specialist”  in  the  next  town  who  “cured”  addictions  with  hypnosis  and  that  was  my first  ever  therapy.  Somehow,  that    worked  for  me  for  almost  one    year  during  which  time  I  got also   new   job,   which   was   to   be   the   best   ever.   At   the   end   of   my   12   months   of   self-­‐achieved sobriety,  I  relapsed  during  a  business  trip.    From  then  my  relapses  were  more  and  more  often.  I worked  hard  and  played  hard.  I  probably  should  have  lost  my  job,  but  my  wife  supported  me  by taking  care  of  me  after  numerous  binges,  sobering  me  up  and  getting  me  into  shape.  This  could not  be  sustained  and  soon  after  I  was  stopped  by  the  police  while  driving  with  a  blood  alcohol level  of  2.25%  ,  it’s  a  miracle  that  I  did  not  hurt  others  or  myself. My  employer  showed  much  compassion  and  suggested  a  3  month  leave  and  a  stay  in  an  alcohol addiction  treatment  centre  as  a  condition  to  keeping  my  job.    I  spent  three  months  in  rehab before   returning   to   work.   It   was   at   the   centre   that   I   found   out   some   more   about   A.A.   and watched  a  number  of  movies  including,  “My  Name  is  Bill  W”    “When  a  Man  Loves  a  Woman” and    “Barfly”.  I  found  myself  empathizing  with  the  characters  but  still  wasn’t  sure  that  I  was  an alcoholic.    A  relapse  seemed  inevitable.

Due  to  financial  issues  within  my  company,  they  transferred  me  to  Asia.  I  assumed  that  a  new environment  would  mean  a  new  start,  but  it  was  not  long  before  my  efforts  at  “controlled” drinking  brought  me  to  A.A.  in  Singapore.    The  long  journey  and  countless  attempts  to  prove  I could  control  my  drinking  on  my  own  changed  when  I  came  to  A.A.,  and  I  finally  accomplished what  I  could  not  do  on  my  own  in  the  rooms  of  A.A.. I  have  been  sober  more  than  2  years,  and  I  now  have  a  new  set  of  tools  and  new  friends  with the  same  problems  as  mine.  I  realized  that  I  was  not  the  only  one  who  couldn’t  control  his drinking  and  there  was  nothing  wrong  with  that.  It  is  a  disease  which  requires  treatment  and  a change  in  lifestyle.  I  have  found  other  ways  to  connect  with  the  existing  world,  but  the  most important  are  surrender,  acceptance  and  to  quit  playing  God.  And  I  must  remember:  Once  an alcoholic  always  an  alcoholic. JK