Wally  P.  is  an  archivist,  historian  and  author  who,  for  more  than  twenty-­‐three  years,  has  been studying   the   origins   and   growth   of   the   Twelve-­‐step   movement.   He   is   the   caretaker   for   the personal  archives  of  Dr.  Bob  and  Anne  Smith. Wally  conducts  history  presentations  and  recovery  workshops,  including  “Back  to  the  Basics  of Recovery”  in  which  he  takes  attendees  through  all  Twelve  Steps  in  four,  one-­‐hour  sessions.    More than   500,000   have   taken   the   Steps   using   this   powerful,   time-­‐tested,   and   highly   successful “original”  program  of  action.

by  Wally  P. Sought   through   prayer   and   meditation   to   improve   our   conscious   contact   with   God   as   we understood  Him,  praying  only  for  knowledge  of  His  will  for  us  and  the  power  to  carry  that  out. According  to  the  “Big  Book”  authors,  we  rely  on  prayer  and  meditation  to  enhance  our  relationship with  the  “One  who  has  all  power.”    This  relationship  was  established  with  our  surrender  (Steps  One, Two  and  Three)  and  strengthened  with  our  inventories  and  amends  (Steps  Four  through  Ten).    We are  now  ready  to  “grow  in  understanding  and  effectiveness”  by  practicing  Step  Eleven  on  a  daily basis  for  the  rest  of  our  lives. Prayer  and  meditation  have  been  described  by  some  A.A.  pioneers  as  two-­‐way  prayer.    It  works much  like  a  telephone.    Prayer  is  the  transmitter.    This  is  how  we  talk  to  the  “Power  greater  than ourselves.”    Meditation  is  the  receiver.    This  is  how  the  Power  communicates  with  us. One-­‐way  prayer  is  talking  into  the  telephone  but  hanging  up  before  receiving  a  reply.    Two-­‐way prayer  involves  both  talking  and  listening. We  listen  to  receive  guidance.    We  listen  for  answers  to  our  questions.    We  listen  for  direction  to overcome  our  difficulties.    We  listen  to  know  God  better.

Listening  is  an  integral  part  of  the  recovery  process.    In  Steps  One  through  Ten,  we  remove  the blocks   that   limit   our   ability   to   listen.     In   Step   Eleven,   we   expand   our   listening   skills   and   in   Step Twelve  we  listen  as  we  work  with  others. On  three  occasions,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  provide  us  with  a  test  we  can  use  to  tell  the  difference between   what   I   like   to   call   the   “voice   of   addiction”   and   the   “voice   of   recovery.”     The   “voice   of addiction”  is  all  about  “selfishness,  dishonesty,  resentment,  and  fear.”    The  “voice  of  recovery”  has to  do  with  unselfishness,  honesty,  forgiveness,  and  faith. The  question  we  need  to  ask  ourselves  is,  “Which  voice  are  we  listening  to?    Are  we  listening  to  the voice  that  takes  us  to  that  “bitter  morass  of  self-­‐pity,  .  .  .  loneliness  and  despair,”  or  are  we  listening to  the  voice  that  directs  us  on  “the  Broad  Highway,  walking  hand  in  hand  with  the  Spirit  of  the Universe?”    It  is  the  “voice  of  addiction”  that  deceives  us  into  thinking  that  “somehow,  someday (we)  will  control  and  enjoy  (our)  drinking.”    It  is  the  “voice  of  recovery”  that  gives  us  insight  “into  a fourth  dimension  of  existence  of  which  we  had  not  even  dreamed.” The  importance  of  receiving  guidance  through  two-­‐way  prayer  is  mentioned  throughout  the  “Big  Book.” Here  are  just  a  few  of  the  references. In  the  second  paragraph  on  page  70,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  suggest  we  ask  for  guidance  when  we pray:

“.  .  .  We  earnestly  pray  for  the  right  ideal,  for  GUIDANCE  in  each  questionable  situation, for  sanity,  and  for  the  strength  to  do  the  right  thing.” In   the   second   paragraph   on   page   85,   the   authors   state   that   we   become   “God-­‐conscious”   as   we follow  guidance:

“Much   has   already   been   said   about   receiving   strength,   inspiration,   and DIRECTION   (GUIDANCE)   from   Him   who   has   all   knowledge   and   power.     If   we   have carefully  followed  DIRECTIONS  (GUIDANCE),  we  have  begun  to  sense  the  flow  of  His Spirit  into  us.    To  some  extent  we  have  become  God-­‐conscious.    We  have  begun  to develop  this  vital  sixth  sense.” On  page  56,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  provide  an  example  of  the  life-­‐changing  effects  of  listening  to guidance.    This  is  how  “Our  Southern  Friend,”  Fitz  M.,  came  to  believe:

“.  .  .  Then,  like  a  thunderbolt,  a  great  thought  came.    It  crowded  out  all  else:

“Who  are  you  to  say  there  is  no  God? “.  .  .  In  a  few  seconds  he  was  overwhelmed  by  a  conviction  of  the  Presence  of  God.    It poured  over  and  through  him  with  the  certainty  and  majesty  of  a  great  tide  at  flood. The   barriers   he   had   built   through   the   years   were   swept   away.     He   stood   in   the Presence  of  Infinite  Power  and  Love.” In  the  late  1930’s,  John  Batterson,  a  personal  friend  of  Dr.  Bob’s,  wrote  a  short  essay  titled,  “How  to Listen  to  God.”    It  is  one  of  the  clearest  set  of  instructions  on  meditation  I  have  come  across  in  my archival  research.    The  pamphlet  predates  the  “Big  Book”  and,  as  such,  can  be  considered  a  source document  for  our  Eleventh  Step. The  author  opens  with  this  profound  statement:

“These   are   a   few   simple   suggestions   for   people   who   are   willing   to   make   an experiment.    You  can  discover  for  yourself  the  most  important  and  practical  thing  any human  being  can  ever  learn—how  to  be  in  touch  with  God. “All  that  is  needed  is  the  willingness  to  try  it  honestly.    Every  person  who  has  done this  consistently  and  sincerely  has  found  that  it  really  works.” Then,  the  author  provides  guidelines  for  conducting  two-­‐way  prayer.    They  are:

“1. To  be  quiet  and  still, 2. To  listen, 3. To  (record  the  thoughts,  feelings  and  images)  that  come, 4. To  test  the  thoughts  (feelings  and  images)  to  be  sure  they  come  from  God, 5. To  obey.” As  Bill  W.  writes  in  his  story,  “I  was  to  sit  quietly”  and  “I  was  to  test  my  thinking  by  the  new  God-­‐ consciousness  within.”    The  test  Bill  W.  and  John  Batterson  are  referring  to  is  the  same  one  we  use in  Steps  Four,  Ten  and  Eleven  to  distinguish  between  the  “voice  of  addiction”  and  the  “voice  of recovery.” In   the   section   of   the   pamphlet   titled,   “Results,”   the   author   again   emphasizes   the   importance   of listening:

“Every  person  who  has  tried  this  honestly  finds  that  a  wisdom,  not  their  own,  comes into  their  mind  and  that  a  Power  greater  than  human  power  begins  to  operate  in their  lives.    It  is  an  endless  adventure.” The  pamphlet,  in  its  entirety,  can  be  found  on  the  www.aabacktobasics.org  website. At  the  top  of  page  86,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  state,  “It  would  be  easy  to  be  vague  about  this  matter (of  prayer  and  meditation).    Yet,  we  believe  we  can  make  some  definite  and  valuable  suggestions.” And,  definite  and  valuable  suggestions  they  do  make.    Basically,  they  instruct  us  on  what  we  are  to do  at  night,  in  the  morning,  and  throughout  the  day. At  night,  we  review  the  day’s  activities.    In  the  first  paragraph  on  page  86,  the  authors  write:

“When  we  retire  at  night,  we  constructively  review  our  day.    Were  we  resentful, selfish,  dishonest  or  afraid?  .  .  .  After  making  our  review  we  ask  God’s  forgiveness  and inquire  what  corrective  measures  should  be  taken.” This   paragraph   contains   the   third   reference   to   the   A.A.   test   for   self-­‐will,   which   the   “Big   Book” authors  have  previously  described  in  Steps  Four  (page  67)  and  Ten  (page  84),  our  inventory  steps. Here,  they  suggest  we  use  this  same  test  to  separate  self-­‐will  from  God’s  will  during  our  periods  of prayer  and  meditation. In  order  for  the  messages  we  receive  to  be  considered  self-­‐will,  they  only  have  to  pass  one  of  the four  characteristics  of  resentment,  fear,  selfishness  OR  dishonesty.    Conversely,  to  be  considered God’s  will,  they  must  pass  all  four  characteristics  of  forgiveness,  faith,  unselfishness  AND  honesty. In   the   second   paragraph   on   page   86,   the   “Big   Book”   authors   provide   us   with   directions   for conducting  a  morning  “quiet  time”:

“On  awakening  let  us  think  about  the  twenty-­‐four  hours  ahead.    We  consider our  plans  for  the  day.    Before  we  begin,  we  ask  God  to  direct  our  thinking,  especially asking  that  it  be  divorced  from  self-­‐pity,  dishonest  or  self-­‐seeking  motives.” If  we  ask  God  to  direct  our  thinking,  doesn’t  it  stand  to  reason  that  our  next  thoughts,  feelings  or mental  images  just  might  be  of  a  spiritual  nature?    What  do  we  do  with  these  messages?    We  write them  down.    Why?    So  we  won’t  forget  them.

After  we  “sit  quietly,”  we  examine  our  written  record  using  the  test  we  just  described.    We  then share  our  guidance  with  others  who  are  committed  to  the  process.    We  do  this  because  not  all  of the  information  we  receive  is  Spirit  based.    As  the  “Big  Book”  authors  write  on  page  87:

“  .  .  .  Being  still  inexperienced  and  having  just  made  conscious  contact  with  God,  it  is not  probable  that  we  are  going  to  be  inspired  at  all  times.    We  might  pay  for  this presumption  in  all  sorts  of  absurd  actions  and  ideas.    Nevertheless,  we  find  that  our thinking  will,  as  time  passes,  be  more  and  more  on  the  plane  of  inspiration.    We  come to  rely  upon  it.” Here  is  where  our  sponsor  or  sharing  partner  can  be  very  helpful.    What  does  another  person  who  is practicing  two-­‐way  prayer  think  about  the  guidance  we  have  received?    As  stated  in  the  “How  to Listen  to  God”  pamphlet,  “More  light  comes  in  through  two  windows  than  one.” In  the  third  paragraph  on  page  86,  the  “Big  Book”  authors  reveal  how  the  “One  who  has  all  power” replies  to  our  requests  for  help:

“In  thinking  about  our  day  we  may  face  indecision.    We  may  not  be  able  to determine   which   course   to   take.     Here   we   ask   God   for   inspiration,   an   intuitive thought  or  a  decision.  .  .  .  We  are  often  surprised  how  the  right  answers  come  after we  have  tried  this  for  a  while.” According   to   the   authors,   this   “Infinite   Power”   communicates   with   us   through   “inspiration,   an intuitive  thought,  or  a  decision.”    This  is  an  amazing  revelation.    Now  we  know  how  our  questions are  going  to  be  answered. In  the  first  paragraph  on  page  87,  the  authors  suggest  we  end  our  “quiet  time”  with  a  prayer:

“We  usually  conclude  our  period  of  meditation  with  a  prayer  that  we  be  shown  all through  the  day  what  our  next  step  is  to  be,  that  we  be  given  whatever  we  need  to take  care  of  such  problems.” If  we  ask  for  guidance,  we  will  receive  it.    In  addition,  we  will  be  given  the  courage  and  strength  to carry  it  out. The  “Big  Book”  authors  then  explain  what  we  are  to  do  anytime  we  become  troubled  or  confused. We  relax  and  ask  for  guidance.    Starting  with  the  third  paragraph  on  page  87,  the  authors  tell  us:

“As  we  go  through  the  day  we  pause,  when  agitated  or  doubtful,  and  ask  for the   right   thought   or   action.     We   constantly   remind   ourselves   we   are   no   longer running   the   show,   humbly   saying   to   ourselves   many   times   each   day   ‘Thy   will   be done.’  ” Over  the  years,  I  have  written  many  “to-­‐do  lists”  during  my  morning  meditations.    Sometimes,  I  have received   thoughts,   feelings   and   mental   images   that   can   be   considered   interesting   or   insightful. Occasionally,  I  have  received  guidance  that  has  been  life-­‐changing  or  even  lifesaving. For  me,  the  key  to  the  process  is  practice,  practice,  practice.    By  taking  the  time  to  get  quiet  and listen,  I  have  experienced  many  of  the  promises  on  page  88.    When  I  commit  to  a  regular  “quiet time,”   I   find   myself   “in   much   less   danger   of   excitement,   fear,   anger,   worry,   self-­‐pity,   or   foolish decisions.” In  various  archival  collections  throughout  the  United  States  and  Canada,  I  found  guidance  written  on stationary,  envelopes,  assorted  scraps  of  paper,  and  in  journals  and  notebooks  of  various  shapes and  sizes.    This  guidance  kept  many  of  our  A.A.  pioneers  sober,  one  day  at  a  time,  for  the  rest  of their  lives.    It  proved  to  them  beyond  the  shadow  of  a  doubt  that,  “It  works—it  really  does.” In  the  next  article,  I  will  describe  how  the  A.A.  old-­‐timers  carried  our  lifesaving  message  of  recovery to  others.

Meditation When  I  first  arrived  in  the  rooms,  the  idea  of  meditation  seemed  too  hard.  I  thought  that  meditation was   just   another   midlife   crisis   cliché   –   not   something   that   would   stop   me   drinking,   raging   and depressing  –  in  that  order. However,   in   early   recovery,   the   gift   of   desperation   was   generous   and   bountiful   and   I   turned   to meditation  as  a  drowning  man  clutches  at  driftwood. I  started  with  just  three  minutes  a  day,  listening  to  a  guided  meditation  on  my  iPhone  on  my  way  to a  meeting.    By  day  two  I  was  hooked.  It  was  gentle,  calming  and  easy.  With  the  OCD  gusto  that  only an  addict  can  muster,  I  started  to  read  about  it,  learn  about  and  do  it.  I  acted  as  if  my  life  depended on  it  –  which  in  fact,  it  did. As  the  sober  days  accumulated,  I  started  to  learn  that  meditation  could  actually  address  some  of  my worst  defects  of  character!

Of   all   the   meditations,   the   one   that   proved   to   be   a   weapon   of   mass   destruction   against   my shortcomings  was  the  Loving  Kindness  Meditation.  Now  that  one  really  made  the  difference! This  meditation  is  easy  to  explain  but  requires  some  resilience  to  execute. First,  find  a  quiet  place  where  you  can  be  undisturbed  for  10  minutes.  Sit  upright,  in  a  dignified manner,  your  head  placed  over  your  spine,  your  feet  flat  on  the  floor  and  you  hands  resting  in  your lap,   palms   upward.     Notice   your   breathing   and   breathe   fully   from   the   belly   (diaphragm)   not   the chest. Then,  call  gently  to  your  mind,  one  at  a  time,  four  people,  in  the  following  order:  someone  you  love unconditionally  (a  child,  a  spouse,  a  partner  or  pet);  a  great  friend;  a  person  you  feel  neutral  about (a  barista,  an  acquaintance  or  a  friend  of  a  friend);  and  someone  who  really  gets  up  your  nose. Starting   with   the   person   you   love   unconditionally.   See   their   face   clearly   in   your   mind,   see   them smile  and  say  slowly,  gently  and  compassionately:  “I  wish  you  well,  I  wish  you  happiness,  I  wish  you free  from  suffering”.  Say  it  three  times  -­‐  slowly. Then  call  the  great  friend  to  mind  and  do  the  same. By  now,  you  will  bathed  in  the  warm  glow  of  connection  and  love.  Focus  on  that  warmth.  Breathe into  it.  Feel  it,  see  it,  smell  it,  taste  it. Now  call  the  neutral  person  to  mind  and  do  the  same  –  keeping  hold  of  that  warm  glow.  Say  the same  three  things,  thrice. Finally,   gently   call   the   irritating   person   to   mind   and   recite   the   same   mantra   –   slowly   and deliberately.    Hang  in  there.  Don’t  lose  the  glow! When   I   did   this,   I   was   somewhat   deflated   that   the   annoying   person   still   annoyed   me.   But   I persevered  with  the  meditation  for  a  week  –  and  something  truly  miraculous  happened  -­‐  I  was  not annoyed  any  more  when  I  thought  about  them. I  continued  to  persevere  with  the  meditation  and  by  the  second  week,  the  annoyance  had  been replaced  with  compassion.  I  finally  understood  the  statement  that  the  grouch  and  the  brainstorm were  not  for  us.    Not  bad  for  10  minutes  work!

It  took  me  another  year  before  I  could  add  myself  into  the  group  of  four  people  I  brought  to  my mind  and  to  wish  myself  well,  happiness  and  free  from  suffering.  It  was  in  finding  loving  kindness  for myself  that  I  really  started  to  hit  pay  dirt  -­‐  in  all  my  affairs. The  Big  Book  had  been  right  –  I  was  my  worse  enemy! Andrew

A   few   years   ago   I   was   rowing   on   a   competitive   women’s   team,   and   learned   one   of   my   most important  life  lessons.  Whenever  we  were  out  practicing  (which  was  every  day)  and  someone  would make  a  mistake,  immediately  everyone  would  start  coaching  the  person  to  “keep  going,  let  that thought  go,  forget  it,  think  about  the  next  stroke”  and  so  on  until  she  got  the  negative  thoughts  out of  her  head. We  did  that  because  if  she  couldn’t  get  it  together,  none  of  us  could  keep  things  in  sync  and  we would  all  flounder  in  the  water.  We  all  do  enough  bad  self-­‐talk  to  sink  a  ship,  so  it’s  important  to think,  and  say  positive  affirmations  to  ourselves,  and  to  others,  in  order  to  re-­‐program  our  brains, and  our  hearts. This  thought  came  to  me  today,  as  I  was  standing  in  the  parking  lot  of  my  Sat.  morning  meeting, listening  to  a  woman  I’ve  known  for  15  years,  make  an  amend  to  me.  She  told  me  that  she  had  been bad-­‐mouthing,   and   gossiping   about   me   because   of   an   incident   that   happened   at   Christmas.   She didn’t  even  know  the  details  of  the  event. I  told  her  that  I  had  been  taught  long  ago  that  “what  other  people  think  about  me  is  none  of  my business”,  but  that  character  assassination  hurts  both  the  person  who  tells  the  tale,  and  the  one  it’s pointed  at.  None  of  us  are  immune,  and  we  all  usually  have  some  opinion  about  what  others  are doing,  and  how  they  could  do  it  better  if  they  just  listened  to  our  advice.  We  just  don’t  need  to share  it. My  guess  is  that  this  happens  more  often  than  not,  and  usually  among  people  with  some  time  in sobriety,  which  is  why  our  Founders  felt  it  was  so  important,  that  they  made  it  a  point  to  “place principles  before  personalities”. I  wonder  what  a  newcomer  would  think  if  they  overheard  such  a  conversation.  Hopefully,  that  we  all keep  learning  our  life  lessons  no  matter  how  long  we’ve  been  around,  and  a  bigger  lesson  of  Live

and  Let  Live,  as  one  of  the  old  slogans  teaches  us.  Forgiveness  is  the  key,  Gratitude  is  the  attitude. We  need  to  stick  together  or  all  of  us  will  perish. Blessings  from  Sacramento,  CA, Tricia  C _  _  _  _  _

Life   is   like   a   book.   When   something   goes   wrong,   don’t   close   the   book,   just   turn   the   page   ~ Unknown Carry  out  randon  acts  of  kindness  with  no  expectation  of  reward,  safe  in  the  knowledge  that  one day  someone  migh  do  the  same  for  you  ~  Princess  Diana Nothing  is  impossible.  The  word  itself  says  “I’m  Possible”    ~  Audrey  Hepburn A  mind  is  like  a  parachute.  It  does  not  work  if  it  is  not  open  ~  Frank  Zappa The  beauty  you  see  in  me  is  a  reflection  of  you    ~  Rumi Blessed   are   those   who   can   give   without   remembering   and   take   without   forgetting.   Bernard Meltzer