I had no solution for my alcoholic malady before coming to AA, because I

didn’t understand the nature of my problem.  I had always considered that my problem was the first drink — that was wrong!  My problem has never

been the first drink because it was then too late.   My problem started long

before!  My problem started with savoring the next shot of whisky, or

perhaps a snifter of Courvoisier (if I was in the chips).

Said consideration invoked a powerful yes or no

Debating society severely affecting my

alcoholic-decision-making-apparatus; you can easily

guess which side was awarded the laurel wreath!

Thus, the decision became surreptitiously embedded in my mind.  I

sometimes would push it down till the weekend because one drink often

meant missing work the next day.  Nevertheless, sometimes quickly,

sometimes slowly, my fate was sealed, I was bound to drink soon because

there existed no choice in the matter of drink.  This was John Barleycorn’s cunning, powerful and patient obsession process: contemplation – debate

– decision – first drink, followed by the phenomenon of craving with all

the predictably disastrous consequences.  I was just as powerless before I

took a drink as after I was afterward. This must be what they mean by the

phrase: “Hopeless and helpless!”

But at six months sober, a wonderful new sponsor taught me how to

develop a spiritual experience as the result of living AA’s Twelve Steps.

This exciting inner transformation eventually freed me from the necessity

of debating whether to drink or not to drink. Page 85 tells us that “the

problem has been removed.  It does not exist for us.”   I no longer have

need to “think the drink through” as was the case in early recovery

because God has rewarded me with the same joyous release as had Bill

Wilson and Bill Dotson (p. 191).  I am no longer incarcerated in the devil’s

prison of the mental obsession because “if I should drink” has been

removed from my emotional vocabulary.  Thank you, God!