AGAINST THE FIRST DRINK:

I remember being told in my first A.A. meeting that ”the bomb is in the first

drink.” It had to be explained to me about the nature of the disease of

alcoholism (the physical alergy and the mental obsession) and that when I

put alcohol in my body, it fuels the physical alergy, I experience the phenomenon of craving and I just can’t stop drinking until I pass out. I was

told that “if I don’t pick up the first drink, I cannot get drunk’, and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous addresses my mental compulsion to drink.

When I think of defence against the first drink, I am drawn to the Step 12

promise, “having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps”. My understanding of that spiritual awakening is that the obsession to drink

has been lifted from me. But I know that this is only a daily reprieve and

as my sponsor says, ”I can’t get ful on yesterday’s hamburger.” There is work I need to do on a daily basis for the obsession to drink

But what to do if I have not had the obsession to drink lifted from me

yet? Or what if the thought of a drink come to me or the obsession returns. Everything is possible, I am an alcoholic after al and I was told that

alcoholics get thirsty. That is what we do.  I have been given some very powerful tools to use. Firstly, I like to remain in the middle of the life raft

of A.A. which means regular meeting attendance, reaching out to other members and having some regular service commitments. I was told that if I

have the thought of a drink, to ‘play the video forward’ and remember that it never was just one drink and I can reel off countless debacles in my

binges where I ended up physicaly and mentaly thanks to drink. I was also

told that when these dangerous thoughts of a drink appear to ask my higher power to remove them and to look to see where I can be of service.

Page 89 of the Big Book tels me about the importance of Step 12 and carrying the message, ”Practical experience shows that nothing wil so much

to remain lifted from me.

insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.” This has definitely been my experience. I have found that writing gratitude lists also helps me with remembering where I am today and that it is stil wonderful waking up without a hangover. This path that we walk as we trudge the road of happy destiny together reminds me that we are the lucky ones. HOW TO DEFEND AGAINST THE FIRST DRINK: Even the long-sober among us confess to dark thoughts. My mind goes to the solace of drink and drugs when I get hungry lonely or thirsty. Or when I alow resentment at a person or situation to cloud my mind. But the thing is, that the place I used to go to feel in control does not exist. It stopped working for me a long time before I finaly surrendered, and were I to go out again I would quickly be in isolation and pain. Battling addiction is exhausting. It exhausted me. If I were to take up arms again I would be quickly overwhelmed. And after decades of spiraling ever downward, I have found recovery, where I am not alone any more: as long as I show up and remain open to my Higher Power I can thrive, slowly at first but with a growing joy. And if this is not enough, I ask myself ”Simon do you have another recovery in you?” Relapsing is easy: it’s what we do, after al! How easy would it be to shuffle back into the rooms, beaten again? Perhaps impossible. So few of us find our way into AA. We are the lucky few. This is a gift I pray to keep.