I’ve found this one of the hardest areas to understand. One of my earlier learnings in AA was the idea of ‘the next right thing’, trying to feel into what the right course of action was when a challenging situation (or person!) was in front of me. This AA maxim was fundamental to my early recovery and allowed me to handle really difficult situations much better than I’d been able to before. Things as simple as letting others ahead of me in a taxi queue, paying a fair price for something, doing a decent job when asked etc. became more second nature to me and my overall well being improved as a result. The better I felt the more good I could do and so a virtuous cycle would (sometimes!) merrily spin. But when it came to my own needs the wheels would wobble and sometimes come right off. At some level I was (and remain) deeply suspicious of my own motives. Years of acting selfishly and putting myself first now leaves me with real uncertainty. Simple things like asking for time for myself away from the family, time to do some exercise, to rest, to meditate, time for a little Facebook (!) all these things seem selfish and reminiscent of my behaviour in the dark days. Recently I found myself totally strung out as I’d started to skip things that are really important for me, my AA meetings, exercise and staying in touch with family and friends overseas. I’d recently started a new job and this had also created new pressures. After an argument at home I was able to talk these things out openly. My partner was surprised that things had built up so much and it became clear to me that I needed to understand better the things that sustain me and to respond to these, to take action. Further than this I needed to be able to communicate these things honestly and clearly and be prepared to hear the needs of those in my family too and find a happier balance. Knowing how to look after oneself is rarely a well-honed skill for newly recovered AAs but it’sa really important one to develop. This minefield was one I had to cross, however deadly and impossible it seemed.  Now I know a few routes through the field, though the mines remain there, and this helps put a little more distance between me and that next drink. ~Mark L