It was the thought of going to prison that finally humbled me. And it was my alcoholism that finally got me into trouble with the law, and led to that complimentary one-night stay in the lock-up/detention facility which gave me a glimpse at the brutal realities of prison life. I could get no sleep on the cold hard floor; there were no toilet facilities save for a little corner at the edge of the cell that gave privacy by means of a half-wall that covered one from the waist-down; there was no communication with the outside world save for one phone call. I spent most of that night in a state of disbelief, fear, helplessness. I silently made a pact with God (though I wasn’t then a believer) that I would quit alcohol; I’d made many of such promises in the past, but the difference was, I meant it this time. It’sa pity that I needed to be shackled in handcuffs and then locked behind bars to finally become willing to come into AA. Until then, I don’t think I ever saw myself as a common drunk willing to sacrifice my principles and morals (thus breaking the law) just to get drinks. Anyhow, I came into AA in Singapore, desperate and willing to do as I was told. I learnt not to question too

many things – this was something new to me. I had always equated being unquestioning with being servile and dense. But I gradually saw that being unquestioning (in some respects) cultivated faith, discipline and humility. Who am I to question and doubt the years of experience that built this program? After all, if I knew better, I probably wouldn’t have ended up at my rock bottom. After working the first couple of steps and staying sober for a while, I was made to look at my glaring character deficiencies, and it didn’t come as a surprise that Pride made it to the top ranks. Pride was responsible for the jealousy, selfishness, vanity, and exacerbated many family disputes. I was unable to back down once I’d committed to an opinion, unable to say “I was wrong” and apologise where needed. This is still something I struggle with, but I’ve learnt that oftentimes in conflicts we have to choose whether to “be right” or “be happy”. Now, I’d choose the latter anytime, at least in issues that aren’t matters of life and death. Now I would rather preserve the relationship between myself and the other party, let him/her have the last word,

than argue to prove that I was right. Because most of the time, it just isn’t worth it. Most of the time, it is just a matter of ego, and isn’t worth losing sleep or a relationship over. It’s been almost two years since that harrowing night in the cell, and thankfully, after a year of walking in and out of courtrooms, that legal matter has been resolved. But that experience, coupled with age and health issues, has humbled me. I’m not invincible – I’m subject to imprisonment, infirmity, depression, just like anyone else. And although being sober doesn’t make me immune to all of that, it gives me a much better chance at dealing with whatever comes my way. It definitely gives me a much better chance at staying out of prison and medical institutions, so I need always remember that the freedom and peace of mind I enjoy today are really contingent on me staying sober for today, and are gifts that I need to be grateful for. P.