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Bill and Lois Wilson attended the NY Oxford Group shortly after Bill was released from Towns hospital late December 1934. All went well till Oxford Group members criticized them for having private meetings for “drunks only” in their home at 182 Clinton street in Brooklyn Hts. They were considered as “not maximum.” (not fully complying with OG principles) Chaos developed! Consequently, during August of 1937, Bill and Lois stopped attending the Oxford Group meetings. The yet unwritten AA program of action was now on its own in NY! Happily, the twenty-eight Main Principles (tenets) of the Oxford Group remained embedded in the mind of the author-to-be of our Big Book. Some of these tenets were accepted by Bill as helpful to alcoholics—these are found on page xvi of the Big Book: Moral inventory Confession of personality defects Restitution to those harmed Helpfulness to others

Necessity of belief in and dependence upon God. This later became a word-of-mouth six step program of action for the alcoholics—there were several versions of this but here is listed the version found on page 263 of our current Big Book: 1. Complete deflation. 2. Dependence and guidance from a Higher Power. 3. Moral inventory. 4. Confession. 5. Restitution. 6. Continued work with other alcoholics. The six-step word-of-mouth program was expanded into Twelve Steps in December of 1938 (Pass it On, pages 197-198). How lucky for us that Bill was considered “not Maximum!” Certainly, a God-send for us all! Further evidence that: “God moves in mysterious ways”! Bob S

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NEVER FORGET. WHERE YOU ONCE WERE AND WHERE YOU COULD BE AGAIN. NEVER LOSE FOCUS. YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!

NOT EVERYONE WILL SUPPORT YOUR|RECOVERY

BUT, NOT EVERYONE MATTERS.

The hiƍƨƋr poƝƋƲ of caƛƙƥ anƊ effƋcƚ

At the end of my drinking, I clung on to two truths. I genuinely believed them, and would for sometime after I got sober. 1. People should judge me based on my intentions. 2. The world should cut me some slack – if you had to deal with what I had to, you’d need that too. I’d think about it often while I was drinking, and I was drinking around the clock by then. I’d start in the morning, because everyone needs a little something before facing the day. I’d continue through the day, gulping vodka from a water bottle. I’d wake up in the middle of the night to drink. I was genuinely working really hard. Managing the volume, frequency and circumstances of my drinking was a full time job. At the same time, I started going to AA meetings. I knew some of you by then. I’m sure you knew me also. Going to meetings had started as an ultimatum from my wife but then evolved to a twilight zone. I really could relate to how you drank but I had a big problem with the “God thing.” I spent a fair amount of time thinking about spirituality. I had summarized the program as 1) I had a problem and 2) I needed to find a situation and spiritual belief system that didn’t require a lot of change to my style. 3) The steps, this inventory, this making amends, this helping others were all minor details and optional. When I found a spiritual solution that was cool enough, I might do the noble things that the steps involved. But no promises. My path to sobriety took me through plans to commit suicide, an intervention, rehab, and back into the rooms. I was so tired that

when my sister said, “will you go to rehab?” that I basically said yes. It took an element of humility. I had run into the Higher Power of Physical Fatigue. I went as far as admitting I needed a break. Of course, I would need the 4 star accommodations, business class flight to rehab, and clinically certified counselors–nothing but the best. I did have serious problems and I needed a prestigious solution. I was also willing to evaluate tarot cards, Hinduism, Buddhism and maybe even Catholicism. (I thought latin sounded cool and I could relate to the “Hail Mary” prayer) Whatever I adopted, it really needed to be edgy and not pedestrian, (ie nothing that had ever been written down in the history of mankind) My humility grew when I came back. I had found out two things. 1) Being honest was liberating. 2) I needed some kind of support. And the AA rooms were familiar. Maybe I could find something here. It was so much like group therapy. I could identify. I liked the way you listened to me. And so I found the Higher Power of Association. I had always found the Big Book to be archaic and parochial. White protestant men. But I did need to fit in. So my persona was “I got this.” I worked on my head nods and facial expressions that suggested approval and understanding. I listened really closely to what you were saying so I could mimic and fit in. “One day at a time.” “It’sa we program” “Surrender to win” Corny indeed, but I’d practice it by myself so when I said it in public, it felt real. Now my “recovery awesomeness” required an audience. The more pathetic, the easier to pull it off. You guys would do. I could show up every day for validation. Come in, sit down, share, go to work. Come in, sit

down, share, go to work. Meetings became a powerful routine. The Higher Power of Habit. I guess the first suggestions I took were “keep coming back,” and “sharing is service.” (You’re welcome.) The suggestions became a bit more ludicrous. Call other AA men every day. (Two dumb suggestions at the same time – aren’t attractive female AAs going to be more soothing? And why every day?) Get a sponsor. (I had a token sponsor.) Work the steps. (maybe…) Work the steps with a sponsor. (what?). These ideas were objectionable, optional, and my position was that I’d get to it only when I stopped wanting to drink every day. Then one day, I was having a bad day. I really needed a drink. I had taken a few phone numbers. I messaged a few guys and called a few. Nobody picked up. But after a while I didn’t feel like drinking. I would have never thought it would work for me. Early in, I had cornered an old timer (a guy with 6 months more sobriety than me) and suavely quizzed him about this practice. Fact is a theoretical understanding wasn’t enough. I knew about it, I just didn’t think it would work for me. Struggling with these suggestions made them top of my mind when I actually had a choice–drink or try a suggestion. I had found the Higher Power of Suggestion. I found a lot of higher powers in the coming months. The power of community, the power of friendship, the power of intimacy, the power of honesty in small things, the higher power of being fallible. When I started working the steps with my sponsor, I found even more. If you had talked to me in the first few years, I didn’t think I was winning. I thought I had it in me but as it turns out, I didn’t. This, for me was a Step 2 time. For the little things, if I didn’t have it in me, I’d ask for it. Don’t understand a suggestion? Find out more. Don’t understand why doing something might make me feel better? Try it once. Nothing

as profound as God or the System of the Universe, but little by little, I did come to believe that the people in the rooms were onto something. A big part of this, in hindsight, was a gradual recognition that my problem was that while I kept doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome, I didn’t have the ideas, meaning, or presence of mind to do something different. After a meeting where the topic of insanity came up I rushed to work and asked a young guy (a non AA with an honors degree) – what’s the definition of insanity? “Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.” Along the way I picked up that I served the God of Being Awesome. It permeated my being. Everything I did revolved around what others thought of me. As a result of the steps I learned I can turn my back on higher powers I no longer wish to serve. It does not have to always be a certain way. The Higher Power of Practical Choice. Letting go of being awesome is what it took for me to develop a perspective on humility. It was a relief to know I didn’t have to be better than you to be equal to you. In fact, most people aren’t busy comparing. And by this time, I had enough sobriety, was sponsoring, and had been doing enough such that I learned the Higher Power of Experience. In fact, this program has opened up a pathway to an entire pantheon of higher powers. But each experience involves letting up of something and trying something different. This shift of core beliefs is that psychic shift they talk about, the spiritual experiences. I made the leap of faith from “I got this” to “I don’t got this”. That was my Step 2. From all these experiences–and I do consider many of them spiritual in nature–I’ve come to believe in the power of action, the power of change and the power

of humility. Which brings me to the Higher Power of Cause and Effect. Cause and effect aren’t new to me. What’s different is sometime in the last few years I let go of my belief that the world should judge me based on intentions. If I believe in cause and effect (and I do), no “higher power” can save me from stupidity. The higher power of blind luck is a false god. Instead, I came to believe people judge me based on my behavior. Cause and Effect. It seems so simple now–do good things, get better outcomes. It’sa higher power, because I have an appreciation of my limitations in predicting cause and effect– there are exponential numbers of variables–chaos theory, psychology and let’s face it, I’m too lazy to figure it out. I believe in cause and effect as a power outside of myself so I don’t claim to be able to cause every desired effect. The power for me comes through that “aha” moment that I can’t behave in a dumb way and expect a sensational outcome. I do not trust my higher power to cover my butt that way anymore. Today, whatever humility I have keeps me from trying to manipulate and just focus on doing the work. There are “low humility” days. The odds of getting a better outcome go up when I do the next right thing. I think I understand what they mean when they say I didn’t have any good ideas. I needed the suggestions. Specifically I need suggestions that worked for people like me. I didn’t have the courage. I needed to see you guys do

things before I would. My humility tells me if I want what someone has, maybe I could try what they did. I am not ashamed that I don’t have all the good ideas. It seems perfectly natural that when I’m trying something someone suggests for the first time, it feels and looks clumsy. Because I’m sober and working the program, I have access to all these powers greater than myself. If you’re struggling with the higher power “thing” or Step 2, try asking yourself if you really think you have it in you to recover? If I am honest with myself, I didn’t. I need something greater than myself because I can’t help myself from making the same mistakes over and over again, with alcohol and living life in general. Since accepting that, I am more open to change and getting help stopping behaviors that definitely do not get me what I want. I pray for knowledge of the power of cause and effect and the power to go with that flow. In doing that, I open up the possibility of new experiences and new perspectives I would not have otherwise. I’m no longer responsible for the outcome because sometimes I don’t fully understand cause and effect. I just like the odds of doing the next right thing way better than repeatedly doing what doesn’t work and hoping it will. ~Tony

WitƎ A LitƚƬƋ HelƖ FroƓ His FriƋƔƤs

Mid-summer, 1938, was a watershed period for the writing of our Big Book—it almost did not happen! Donations from the Rockefellers, Charles Towns, and others were helpful, but Bill Wilson’s upcoming Big Book project remained on hold, even doubtful. Bill W. had written two pre-manuscript drafts: THERE IS A SOLUTION (Chapter One) and BILL’S STORY (Chapter two) during the late spring months of that year—Please notice the reverse order. These chapters were only a beginning effort to publish a short book that could sell for a dollar (about $18.00 today). Happily, Doctor Silkworth added, THE DOCTOR’S OPINION that July.

Thank God for Hank Parkhurst! I have always considered Hank and Ebby Thacher as two unsung heroes of AA history, although neither of them remained sober for timely periods. Bill may have made the touchdown, but Ebby handed him the ball and Hank became his inspiring hard-driving coach! Not to forget Jimmy Burwell who is given credit for “God as we understood Him.”

By December Bill had finished the manuscript including HOW IT WORKS, INTO ACTION, WORKING WITH OTHERS, plus four other chapters. Jim Scott helped write the Akron personal stories and the NY stories were also included.

Bill had endured financial struggle for over a year and had become understandably discouraged. By early fall he had not written anything for three months—he finally stated: “I am not an author.” However, his partner, Hank Parkhurst, convinced him that just a few more chapters were needed to justify the $1.00 price. Hank’s adamance was successful!

But in early 1939, Tom Uzzell, editor of Colliers Magazine, reduced the manuscript dramatically and a Dr. Howard (perhaps an alias) changed the tone from: “Thou must under pain of drunkenness”, to “This is what we did.”

The finished book was published in April of 1939. It sold for $3.50.

Bill began writing the next two chapters, MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM and WE AGNOSTICS ON September 15, 1938.

So, Bill was gifted with many helpful friends as he constructed this marvelous life-saving book for us. Thank you, God!

Bob S, Richmond, IN