The Eveƕ UnƉoƩdƌƑƤ SpiƕƌƱƲal AwaƎƈƫƦnƊ

Through the Twelve-Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous I have the opportunity to be a radically different kind of person. If I were to continue on with self-will, my life would surely become another alcoholic tragedy. My experience has been that when I make an effort, my Higher Power presents itself. No one is going to do it for me. No one can awaken me. The steps and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous point out the way. I have to do the work and take those steps. This is where the spiritual principle of responsibility comes in. I am responsible for my own spiritual journey, my own development and growth. I was finally able to see I was the problem and accept the futility and fatality of continuing to live in self-will, selfishness and self-centeredness. It became utterly apparent that continuing to live that way would kill me. At what point did I come to that and what did it take to get there? Where did it begin? This is the magic of it. I can’t fully explain when, where, why and how, but I seemed to have all the right ingredients necessary to produce a spiritual awakening: honesty, the desperation of the drowning, surrender, willingness, effort, and promptness. God was with me. Maybe there wouldn’t have been another spiritual window of opportunity available again for a long time that could have produced the entire psychic change. It could be rarer than a blue moon. God works in mysterious ways and he’s always anonymous (there’s no stamp left behind that says “God was here”). In addition, I was finally willing to go to another program to address a part of my life that was keeping me sick. That was a surrender. Now I am able to bring my experience to women I work with in AA who struggle with the same

issues and are in need of identification and help. My spiritual awakening has given life to the spiritual principles I need to adopt in order to stay alive. Today, I practice surrender and acceptance and it seems to be coming more naturally. As the book says, I am tempted at times, but I often do recoil as if from a hot flame. I know that old behavior will only bring me misery. It’sa Broad Highway, however; this is a lifetime of practice. I have a list of rules I must live by that I continue to add to:

● Hold no resentments (p. 66) ● If sex conduct continues to harm others (or myself) we are quite sure to drink. (p. 70) ● Hard on ourselves, considerate of others. (p. 74) ● Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle. (p. 128) ● Regarding fear: trust and rely upon God. (p. 68) ● Do not drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection. (p. 86) ● Never skip step 5 or else we may not overcome drinking. (p. 72) ● We must be entirely honest with somebody. (p. 74) This is life and death. First and foremost I do the work to stay alive. For the real alcoholic there is no choice. Helpfully, the spiritual work has become a joy and I am so very grateful for this program, the fellowship, my recovery and the friends I have made along the way who I love. Godspeed and good luck on your awakening. ~Margaret

Half jingles availed us nothing.