S ȥ Ɲ Ȩ dz Ƕ ǃ Ȯ comes from esteemable acts. I have begun to see my body . . . differently – as something that I need to care for, love and nurture (healthy food, no bingeing and purging, gentle exercise, regular showers!), rather than avoid, manipulate and despise. I have begun In order to speak about being true to myself, I first need to define to keep my living space more clean and tidy because that makes me feel good. I have begun to gravitate towards and attract what “myself” is. people who are not toxic. I have developed a recovery routine that includes daily reading and writing, prayer, meditation, meetings, That is what my journey in AA has given me, a developing sense of outreach and sponsoring. who I actually am. All of my life I have been a chameleon with no idea who I actually am at the core. Through these simple, consistent acts, I am beginning to uncover As a child my family moved constantly, up to 4 times a school year. who the real me is. In order to make friends and fit in I became whoever I needed to And to my great surprise, I am actually learning to accept and love be in each new location. My mom changed my last name every time she remarried so when we moved we could have the facade her. Little by little, I am getting there. And as I learn to love myself, I am able to be so much more present to those around me – family, of a normal, nuclear family. friends, colleagues, students, fellows, even strangers! When I began to date I transformed according to the wants and So I guess the best way I can be true to myself is to just keep doing needs of my partners. I even went into the theater, completely legitimizing the act of pretending to be someone else! I honestly what I’m doing. It’s like gently chiseling away at a thick cement had no fucking idea who I actually was. covering over a sparkling gem. The more I work this program, the more the sparkles get to shine through. Since I have been in recovery I have been on a journey of by Marnie H. self-discovery. I have been honestly identifying my character flaws as well as my strengths. I have been taught that self-esteem