My Greatest Lesson in Sobriety

“It’s not my fault!”, “Well if you helped me I wouldn’t be in this mess!”, “Of course you are to blame!” “Why else did this shit show go down?”

issue. For me it was looking at my behaviour and actions as an adult. Drinking and behaving badly, lying and hurting people; my husband, my children, my friends, my family. Being a very angry person exploding at the most stupid thing and upsetting everyone around me. Complaining about everything, everyone and its dog. I was a raging bull and felt completely justified. I did not take a minute to think about anyone else. I was so self centred, it was frightening. I had no awareness of myself at all.

Hi, My name is Ateca and I’m an alcoholic. It’sa strange feeling to write that word down. I’m sighing as I think about that word because it conjures up countless heartbreaking stories in my life of those near and dear to me.

When I came into the rooms 9 months ago I was a broken, helpless angry bitter bitch. I felt the whole world owed me something. I felt completely justified in my behaviour because everyone else was wrong. I could not or would not see my part of the unfolding drama that surrounded me. Drama followed me like a bad smell. In fact I had such a reputation for it that when terrible world events were being televised or shared on social media my husband would joke, ” Are you sure you weren’t involved?!”

This programme has helped me see the light for the first time. It was not a pretty picture. But I needed to see it in all its ugliness for me to truly make amends and turn the corner.

The greatest lesson I have learnt in this programme is that I am responsible for my behaviour. It’s so easy to get caught up in the pity party, the “I’m justified” camp, which I often did to excuse my bad behaviour. It has been my greatest lesson and I continue to set right what was wrong and own it.

I have spent my whole adult life blaming everyone else about why I didn’t get that job or promotion; why I’ve not moved on further in my life; why I’m at odds with all my husband’s family, my family, extended family, everyone really.

It’s been liberating for me because I’m finally growing up and learning to own up to my stuff.

It was only in doing Step 4 and Step 5 that I realised I had a part to play in it. I’m not talking about childhood trauma where things happened to me, that’sa separate

Thank you AA. I am a grateful alcoholic!