Where is All This Warmth Coming From?

I came to Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) bankrupt in every department. When I started to take the steps, my first big challenge was to find a power greater than myself that could solve my problems. What an order for a guy who they describe in step two in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12&12) as the one who “had tried religion and found it wanting”. I could see the examples of people around me that seemed to have it figured out and I became a nuisance trying to corner them to get them to explain to me how they do it and they had the same trouble explaining it as I did. One day I confronted my friend, Jim, and asked him to let me in on the secret. Frustrated, he asked, “Do you want to drink right now?” My answer was “NO.” He then asked me, “Did you want to drink a year ago”? And my answer was “Yes! I could not go a day without it.” Next, he asked me “what made the difference?” My answer was, “I was influenced by the A.A. program.” His next question was, “do you have any problem calling that God?” WOW! What a concept.

Psychic Change enough to bring about recovery from Alcoholism. Or, as I like to believe, my spiritual experience came in the form of “A Profound Change of Perception.” When it occurred to me that all my thinking was flawed and that I was finally in an environment where I could, with the help of the group, start to follow simple unselfish guidelines that would restore my self-esteem and put me at peace with myself and others, I started this wonderful journey and I have never had it so good. These universal truths are common in the meaningful philosophies of life, and I must seek them out if I want to heal.

I pray to God every day, even though I do not know who or what God is. My mind is not evolved enough to understand God and I am not sure that God hears my prayers, but, I HEAR MY PRAYERS and that, I believe, puts me in the best possible attitude I can have about the issue I pray for. My prayers are always the same. I pray for knowledge of his will for me and strength to carry it out. i.e., God, please show me what to do and please give me the strength to do it, I do not do well on my own. I often knew what to do but was not always strong enough to do what was right. Today I am stronger.

I have never wanted a drink since I entered the programme and the only answer I could produce was the influence of A.A in my life. For a guy who could not conceive of a day without alcohol, to a guy that has never wanted a drink since, was all I needed to know about God. I wish I could tell you who or what God is, but I cannot. I can, however, tell you what God does for me, but I will get to that later.

Who or what is God? I am not sure anyone can define God. As a friend of mine (Will) explained, “You do not have to understand Thermodynamics to enjoy the warmth of the sun”, I do, however, know what God does. When I ask for guidance, I become a better receiver and I hear the answers that used to pass right over my head when I Thought I had all the answers, and today, I thank God for an open mind.

The second appendage in the Big Book, (Alcoholics Anonymous), Spiritual Experience, implies that there are many examples of spiritual experiences, and they come in different forms. They can be of the Burning Bush variety or a

I woke up to an email that seriously pissed that space of darkness for years, even in me off, and here are the main takeaways sobriety! It took me about 10 years without after discussing it with my sponsor. a drink to stop revelling in those resentments in daydreams or at night. Now There are four reactions when someone that I have put a hard stop to that, I frustrates or confronts me: absolutely do not want to stay in that kind of mood which drains all my energy. A. I want to win the argument D. I reviewed my spiritual principles and B. I want to hurt or belittle them tried to apply them to the best of my ability through the actions or level of acceptance THIS IS WHEN I NEED TO STOP! I will hurt needed to clear my side of the street. myself & others if I continue reacting at this point! Restraint of tongue and pen will help I’m so grateful today to be reminded of me set a new direction to the situation. this… even after 26 years, I still need the programme! C. After discussing with my sponsor and calming down, I realized that my ultimate ~ Nicolas desire is to no longer be frustrated. I lived in Now in my 3rd year of recovery I have finally understood that the fellowship is all about being of service. It took a while for me to fully understand the phrase, “You have to give it away to keep it”. The wonderful gift of sobriety that has transformed all parts of my life to the better is something that I am forever grateful for and the most treasured thing in my life.