“A personality flaw can be a trait or behavior that is conscious and the person usually has control over it, whereas a personality disorder is a long enduring pattern of defensive behavior that lies outside of the persons control, because they are not AWARE of it. “

As a result, I have spent most of my life living in my own dreamworld and far away from reality. Finding alcohol in my early teens turned this shy introverted person into a person quite the opposite – and of course as we alcoholics know – a person nobody wants to be around. So by the time I reached AA, I had gone full circle again to hide in isolation; this time round because of what I had done with alcohol or what it had done to me.

It was not until I came into the rooms of AA that I grasped a better understanding of this term Character defects.

One would think that with all the years of being sober I would have this one licked but it remains with me to this day.

My background is that of a child given up at birth, and so as I got older and tried to understand what had happened to me, that word defect has tortured me for many many years. I was adopted at age two and only found that out when I was 9 or 10 and up until then could never understand why I never seemed to fit in with these “parents and 2 sisters” that I could not relate to. So, too young to understand, I latched onto the belief that I must be defective in some way, that my birth mother did not want me etc. At that young age I learnt that if I isolated the pain over this issue seemed to lessen. So this became my escape route to all circumstances.

So while I may not have removed this character defect from my life, one of the biggest gifts from the program is my awareness and that’s what really matters. As long as I am AWARE of my defects I stand a chance. The number of defects that no longer have power over me are many and only in these rooms and through people like you was I able to tick many of my lists and I hope the same for you on your lists.