What I thank my sponsor most for is how she guided my alcoholic mind towards the steps. Whenever I am stuck in a situation she would encourage me to get it out on voice clips that I had to send to her. Unsensored, all of it, raw.
Monday morning in an MRT station. Three months, of, “one day at a time”. Sober.
Fear is overtaking my physical presence in a subtle way, with trembling hands and weakened legs. My mental state is on overdrive, consisting mainly of WHAT IF’S… Heading quickly toward the “Fack-it” button. A very familiar feeling to me called a drink. Its 10am prime time for the first drink of the day. In fact it is a little late by 90 days and a couple minutes.
The purpose was not so much to have an immediate 1/1 intervention with my sponsor (sometimes yes, but not always). She would also ask me to attend a meeting that day, call a fellow & ask how they are (focus on them, no me) and lastly, listen to my voice clips again the day later.
I hear in the rooms to pick up the phone when you want a drink. Take down some numbers it could save your life.
This whole process – especially listening to the voice clips a day later – is very helpful. I often don’t see the whole situation for what it is, but the day after I can assess the situation differently. Connecting with others on the day itself helps me getting out of my mind.
Well, guess what–innermostself–it is exactly that time. It is, my stood at the turning point , time! Heading to my first job, since getting sober. Mind you, only becoming available as a direct result of my becoming sober. It’s been a while for this newbie feeling on a variety of fronts.
This whole voice clip process helped me so much to transition from being stuck to doing stepwork and eventually shift my thinking. Tina, I am grateful for how you guided me in this process. I had no idea what result you wanted and it didn’t matter. I did blindly what you asked and the action led to great results.
I cannot move frozen with fear. Pick up the phone or pick up a drink.
I wasn’t thinking of my kids or wife or anything that was leaving when I reached my bottom, again.
~ Tanja, alcoholic, 9 months sober
The time now was my time between step 3 and step 4. Higher Power and self was in this frame of space, and the whale of alot of drinking hours.
I reach for my phone I dial some numbers. Three numbers to be exact. A couple of gentlemen that I met in the program previously, having chatted over coffee after meetings. One of them picked up. I
babbled about what was happening, “whoa whoa slow down catch your breath, it’s gonna be OK if you don’t pick up a drink. Just don’t drink.” That’s what I remember of that phone conversation. Click.
The third number I called was what I referred to as my “friend in the program” due at the time to my inability to accept help from some one else at that time. The true flexibility of the program kicked in. “Have an open mind, be willing”, call it what ever you need to but just don’t drink. To become known as my sponsor.
He answers and knows by my stuttering voice that I’m not in a good space. His first question was, “did you drink yet?” My reply was, “no, not yet and I don’t want to.” “Good what’s up?“, I explained my circumstances going to work, mind you I have 20+ years in this field but not exactly – my previous expertise will not help with making this particular item ( He calms me down by telling me to sit down and take some deep breaths. Do it while I’m on the phone now. You called for a reason this is what we are going to do. Write down the 5 worst things that could happen to you in any of the situations that may arise today. Do it now. I remember him mentioning this is a program of action. As I finish reading off the last one, “now how is a drink going to help with any of this?” My mind starting slowing down my hands were less shaky. I stepped in to the light and felt the wonderful sunshine illuminate every dark corner of my fears. I still have fears I continue to make mistakes. Without a drink I have a Choice and Hope. ~KC