I am sure I speak for many members when I describe the early days and weeks of AA as a rollercoaster of emotions.

However, for me the overriding emotion is one of immense relief.

Relief that I can stop lying to myself and finally admit I am an alcoholic, but most of all relief that I am no longer fighting this alone.

There is the joy and elation at finally finding not just one other person, but a whole collection of people who share your affliction.

For a lifetime, all of us have been stuck in a never-ending, one-sided contest against alcohol. We are reminded at the start of each meeting of the various attempts we had all made to win this contest, each doomed to failure but also each characterised by individual action against an opponent who had our number every time.

The amazement and gratitude at the kindness and support offered, and the hope and excitement that after all these long years of despair a solution has finally presented itself.

In contrast, there are also the feelings of guilt and remorse that surface, hitherto buried under an impenetrable bed of alcohol. The embarrassing memories that we never need dwell on when drunk.

We alone never stood a chance. But we as a Fellowship, each of us in the service of each other and guided by the will of a Higher Power? That’sa completely different equation. While this is the very early stage of recovery, for the first time ever I am not facing this challenge alone, and for that there are no words that will truly describe the gratitude I feel.

Then the fear that comes with the true comprehension of the requirements of steps four and five.

The road ahead is still difficult and requires daily dedication. We know that danger lurks in complacency. But I can tell you one thing for certain: it looks a lot better than the road that got me here.