1. If others at the event are drinking, chances are they will never know that you only have cola in your glass.

2. If you are new to sobriety and are concerned about attending an event where alcohol will be served, arrive late and leave early.

3. Take a sober friend or sponsor, or have their phone number and call them if you need to.

4. You are probably not the only one at the party who is clean and sober. Find the winners and hang out with them.

5. Don’t think about trying the Non-alcoholic beer, and yes, the Egg Nog is spiked.

6. If someone has told you that you are “co-dependent” don’t end up going home with the one who wears the lampshade or dances on the table. Allow

them the dignity of learning from their own mistakes, don’t “rescue” them from hitting bottom, and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

As a young adult my mother would tell me stories of when they first moved to Alaska in the 70’s and how drunks scattered the town. The saloons were seedy with hard working miners, fishermen, and pioneers coming to seek the dream of Alaska. With the dream seeking also came a deep dependency on booze to fuel those desires and numb the loneliness one can feel so far up north. I would always judge the town alcoholics and laugh at them and console myself that I was better than that.

The first real encounter I had with alcohol was when I was 14 and just finished my freshmen year of high school. My best friend is from a prominent Alaskan family and his mother was throwing one of her famous parties. This time it was even more special because she was turning 40 – and they had really turned out a fun bash. Kids weren’t invited, but of course we were hanging out around the house watching the glamorous people arrive and party it up. We all decided to sneak a bottle of champagne down to the nearby park and join in on the festivities by drinking it! Having never drank before, we couldn’t sort out how to open a champagne bottle so I desperately broke it on the curb of a sidewalk and we began passing it around taking swigs from the jagged edges. It’sa wonder no one cut their lips off!

While my friends all took baby sips, once that bubbly liquid gold hit my tongue I found I had an insatiable thirst. I drank almost the whole bottle by myself! Of course my little adolescent body couldn’t handle much so I could barely stand; but I do remember all the details of the night. There was a drunken Alaskan Native who wandered by us in the park (a typical scene in Alaska), and he walks up to us and laughingly points to me saying “she’s drunker than I am!” I’ll never forget that because it was true and would be the foreshadowing comment to the rest of my drinking career.

There was a peppering of other incidences, but I made sure to stay at friend’s houses if I drank in high school. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that my serious drinking career took off. I had moved to New Orleans where there were drive-through daiquiri shops and no one cared if you were underage – boy the leashes were off! The Big Easy is known for Mardi Gras, jazz and partying, and we took full advantage by finding ladies nights for free drinks almost every night of the week. Many nights I would fall into bed in a near state of unconsciousness only to wake up and do it all over again. I was young, free and wild with some oats to sow.

Fast forward a few years and I found myself back in Alaska after finishing college and spending a few years in Colorado. Life wasn’t as carefree, and I had no choice but to notice my life had spun out of control. I briefly decided to stop drinking and even went to a few AA meetings. Listening to the speakers I couldn’t relate – they had all given up the fight against alcohol and I simply wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I clearly remember hearing one woman talk about waking up in a gutter and thinking “well, that’s never happened to me so I don’t belong here”. I woke up in my bed, and although I couldn’t remember the nights prior at least I had a roof over my head.

After spending a year and a half back in Alaska working, I decided it was time to go international. My best friend (the one mentioned earlier) and I moved to China together to take on Asia, travel and get some adventures under our belt. It was there that I met my future husband and we moved to Singapore together. It has been here that the drinking got progressively worse and hard to ignore. My drinking had no border constraints and seemed to follow me wherever I went. In Singapore I found friends who also enjoyed heavy drinking and was able to mask my issue to myself. These boozy, expensive nights often ended in me yelling at my husband. I continued to wake up with a sense of impending doom. But try as I might, I couldn’t seem to stop. The more I limited my drinking the worse it got.

After countless bad nights I had hit rock bottom. It’s been a 10 year run of hard drinking but I couldn’t run away anymore. The people around me only had to hold up a mirror for me to see that alcohol made all the decisions for me. I tried to play the game and always lost – alcohol was my ruler. Broken and defeated I decided to try AA again. This time was different. I could relate to the stories people told and knew this was where I belonged. The first meeting I attended I was nearly in tears the whole time. One of the fellowship members took me out for coffee afterwards, quite literally throwing me a life ring. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. It’s been in these rooms that I’ve slowly started to piece back together who I am. Each wine bottle I opened over those years had taken a piece of me with it – and I knew there would be some work required to get what I lost back.

I’m not going to pretend that life has been all roses since starting the program. Feeling emotions for the first time in years is an exhausting business. Looking back I realize I was a coward using drinking to prop up my deflated sense of self. I now have to face each day with honesty and clarity.

Each 24 hours gives a new and different challenge. The difference now is that I have a set of tools to deal with each day instead of the sharp blade of self-torture I used to use. The people in the fellowship have given me hope, and I’ve now started building my relationship with my higher power. I’m thankful to be experiencing every moment of life instead of passively letting time flow by. Simple things like meeting a friend for coffee, or going to the market to buy vegetables have taken on a new found pleasure. My husband and friends are also so thankful that I’m now present in life. I do often fear that I’ve become boring, but from what everyone says I’m livelier than ever.

I’ll be moving again soon, but this time is different. I won’t be packing fear into in my suitcase this time. God has blessed me with another chance at life. Even though no matter where I go in the world I’ll never be able to leave the disease of alcoholism, I’m comforted to know I don’t have to feel alone. The AA community has given me a support system and courage to face live with fresh vigour and happiness. I finally feel at peace.