As we approach the end of February and are getting into the swing of 2011, I real­

ise that time has flown for me. My sobriety is still something I treasure and I love going to meetings. If I had come into the fellowship on January 1st 2011 however, these past months would have felt like an eternity. As I reflect on my first 90 days, I remember meeting my Sponsor in the dingy little basement room with pale yel­ low walls in Damien Hall. The first 24 hours was a miracle and what followed as I worked Steps One, Two and Three was, as Bill put it, “beyond my wildest dreams”. Yes I was like a ‘born again’ member of the Fellowship. I had to dive in headfirst

and work the Steps otherwise I would have listened to my disease talking to me, telling me I could still drink like a lady!

I can still remember kneeling on the concrete at the back of Damien Hall, saying the Step Three prayer with my Sponsor. A train roared past and sounded its horn; an omen perhaps- God saying my prayers were heard? What a great feeling of free­ dom overcame me as I rose to my feet, having entrusted my life to a Power greater than myself! May you be blessed and inspired as you read this issue on Steps One, Two and Three. Happy trudging!!

Total surrender saved my sorry soul. I drank (and used other mind altering substances) for a total of 23 years before the last drink that I had. For the last two thirds of that spell I had many attempts at getting sober. I literally tried everything from hospitals, psychiatric wards, treat­ ment centres, being locked up, forced detoxes at home, doctors, priests … The list goes on. I used to declare to those who cared to listen: “Giving up is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times.” Underneath that cynical statement was a person who lived in a perpetual state of dread.

It wasn’t until I was exposed to the 12 step program of recovery for alcoholics that I had any way of understanding my cyclical battle with the diseases of alco­ holism and addition. You see, I had experienced many ‘rock-bottoms’ as we now call them; each time the bottom getting worse and deeper. When the pain was bad enough, I would reach a point where I wanted my life to be different and was willing enough to go seek help from someone. That help was always there in one form or another. Each time I sobered up, I went through progressively tougher and tougher detoxes. Then I would gradually start to feel better when the D/Ts and drug withdrawals softened their grip on my fragile body and mind. Little did I know that was when I was at my most vulnerable. In one such case, I spent 3 months in a ‘theraputic community centre’ following my detox. I underwent

group therapy and counseling. The day came when my mind told me it was time to leave. I left that place and 5 hours later was drinking and using drugs again. A ‘sane’ person does not put themselves through all that hardship only to start the

whole process off again. That cycle characterised all my attempts to sober up over the years.

When I was finally introduced to the 12 steps of Alcoholics anonymous, step one arrived like a bolt of lightening in my life. To this day, I have always been a little fuzzy about any spiritual awakenings that I might, or might not, have expe­ rienced; but as I share my story with other alcoholics I am absolutely certain that exposure to the following words (together with an explanation of what they mean from a recovering alcoholic), represented one of the most significant spiritual ex­ periences of my life:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol …

It was explained to me that I suffered from a physical ‘allergy’ (for want of a better word). That when I consumed alcohol, my body reacts differently to other people’s in that it sets of a craving and I can not stop drinking. I learned that (for this alcoholic) the same rule applied to mind altering drugs. That bit was easy for

me to buy into; after all, didn’tI have so many examples of failed attempts at stop­ ping followed by picking up the [next] first drink and starting the process off all over again? So there you go….. I realized I had trouble stopping once I had started.

However, the real clincher for me was the next bit that my sponsor talked about as we worked through chapters like “more about alcoholism”.

I learned fairly quickly that I have a mind that is capable of monumental dishonesty and obsession when it comes to alcohol. When I am in that place when I am thinking about the [next] first drink, I am capable of putting aside all of the pain and unpleasantness that I had put myself (and others through) over the course of all the prior attempts to stop – as well as the most recent attempt! I have a mind that becomes so fixated on that next drink and how it is going to make me feel better, that I can literally deny even the most basic and fundamental truth…

Alcohol just isn’t good for me.