“ What first appeared to be a flimsy reed turned out to be the loving and powerful

Step 3 “ Made a decision to turn our will and our lives to the care of God, as we understood Him” “Alkies aren’t the type who go around surrendering on every street corner” – Chuck C. “ It says in Chapter Five: ‘If you have decided you want what we have.’ Decision. ‘And are willing to go to any lengths to get it’. Action. As far as I can tell, that sum­ marises everything in life: Decision,Action,Result. –Cubby S. “And when the pain was so great it was do or die and I had no choice, it was a simple matter to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I’m happy to tell you that the decision I took didn’t become a reality until I took the actions of Step 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.” –Patti O. Step One- I can’t Step Two- God can Step Three- So I’ll let Him/Her

Jim was a talented playwright, a beautiful writer. He was also a terrible drunk for

a lot of his life. The kind that woke up, grabbed a bottle of Vodka off his night stand and gulped down half of it before he could swing his feet over the edge of the bed and even think about getting up. Once he joked with me about his morn­ ing routine. Sitting on his bed, he’d think about a shower. But then he’d remember he needed to buy more booze so forget the shower. But where could he get more booze? He’d have to go out and buy some. But first he had to get dressed. OK, that meant he’d have to put on pants, shirt, socks and shoes, overwhelming tasks. But if he never got started he’d never get to the booze. So he lurched over to his closet, rummaged through a pile of clothes’were they dirty or clean?’and found a pair of pants. But how to get them on? He fell on the floor several times trying to put one leg in and then the other. Often they ended up backwards, the zipper in the back. Once Jim managed to get dressed he had to find his keys. This took at least an hour. Then finding his car: another hour even though it was parked right in front of his

house. He never killed or hurt anyone driving, thank God. Miraculous.

Through the years I knew him, when he’d had enough booze to get himself going but not too much to incapacitate himself, Jim wrote beautifully. He was also as good a friend as anyone can be who drinks that much. One night, at a writers’ retreat–Jim had been drinking all day and night as usual–he and I sat together on a bench looking at the stars and talking about our day’s writing. I had been drink­ ing since five that afternoon so I was hardly sober either. Jim’s words got more and more slurred and finally he wasn’t making sense. Then he put his hands over his face and began to weep. “I know I should stop drinking,” he wailed. “But I just can’t face life sober. It’s too painful. I just can’t do it.” He leaned over and put his head in my lap like he was a little child, and he wept while I stroked his head. I knew life would be much better for us both if we got sober, but I didn’t know how either of us could do it. “I’m dying,” he said then. “I know it. But I’d rather die than get sober.”

A year later, Jim did almost die. He was in the hospital, his kidneys and liver shutting down. A doctor detoxed anyway hoping against hope Jim might survive, that his organs might start functioning again. Jim did survive. A miracle! The doc­ tor told Jim about an AA meeting in the basement of the hospital not expecting Jim to care. But then another miracle happened, this one larger than the first: Jim

got himself into a wheelchair and rolled himself to that hospital AA meeting. And he never drank again.

When I got sober a year and a half ago, I called Jim who announced, ‘I haven’t had a drink for 416 days.’ Many people in the program have helped me stay sober; Jim has been a major one. From my first day sober on, Jim and I spoke once or twice a week on the phone and emailed in between. We saw each other when I vis­ ited the States. We drank orange juice together while the other writers got sloshed. We talked about sobriety, told stories about our drunken idiocies, thanked God

together for our new lives, discussed the meaning of it all, theology, books, films plays. Jim listened to me as my marriage came apart. He told me to keep sober day at a time and everything would be fine. His own happiness helped me know I’d be happy, too, if I just kept following the program and had faith. Jim helped give me that faith.

In the two and a half years Jim was sober, he became a beautiful man, the man he would have been without the booze: deeply intelligent, sensitive, a truly great writer, fun, playful, wickedly witty. He was a beacon of light to me leading the way into living day by day sober. (If J can do it so can I, I kept telling myself.) About two months ago his emails and calls got spottier. I thought he’d found a romance, didn’t have as much time for me, though he denied it when I asked him. Three weeks ago he stopped answering his phone altogether. Didn’t answer emails, either. I got worried and called a mutual friend, Meir, who told me Jim wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to talk until he was better. I should have known then it was

serious, but I wanted to believe: Hey, Jim stopped drinking. His body is fine now. He’ll live a long life. But his organs were too damaged. He was sober, but his body just couldn’t get back to healthy. The drinking had hurt him too badly. And today his body just stopped. Everything failed. Jim is gone. He was sober to the end. He experienced his life clearheaded to the end. I sense him with me now. He’s happy and free of his body that wasn’t working so well after being pickled so long. He’s happy he got the few years he had to experience his life sober. I miss him. I just can’t believe I can’t call him tonight. I love you, Jim. Rest in peace.

A Changed Life I started drinking at 26 for a period of 25 years. Things were going well and I worked from an office boy to a regional sales manager. During my last 2 years of drinking, my drinking progressed from evening to the afternoon sessions. During this period 3 of my close relatives died, starting from my sister and a close uncle. My drinking started to get heavier. Soon after, my mother died and it really took an emotional toll. I became a round the clock, daily drinker. I was drinking to escape from life and to numb my feelings. The round the clock drinking continued for one whole year. No matter how I tried to stop, I just could not stop. Depression set in and the only way I thought I could stop was to end my life. I was also a heart attack survivor and under my doctor’s advice and recommendation, I decided to go for treatment for my alcohol addiction. In the treatment centre, the doctors detoxed me and made me attend some programmes for 5 weeks. Soon after, I was discharged and left on my own. The obsession for drink was still very strong and it was recommended that I attend AA meetings. After coming to AA for awhile, I learnt that I was suffering from a disease which is cunning, baffling and powerful. When I start to drink, I simply cannot stop. I started to go for regular meetings and stuck close to fellow members. I thought I was a completely hopeless daily drinker. It was then that I started to admit that I am an alcoholic, and that I cannot stop on my own, and I needed the help of others. I soon got a sponsor and worked the first 3 steps of the programme. During the next 6 months, I started seeing people going back to drink and it really gave me a wakeup call to the seriousness of alcoholism. I started to do my step 4 after almost 2 years in the programme and for me it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. My life really started to change after this process and I thank my sponsor for guiding me to look into myself. Today, I am grateful for what I have. My sobriety date is November 6th 2003. I have stayed sober for 7 years through the help of the fellowship. The biggest asset I have gained is learning to be honest, open-minded and willing to share the bright and dark sides of my life. I am doing my best as a human being and I am not perfect. I still need to confide in and receive guidance from my Higher power–which never fails me. I always will remember from where I came from and above all these, it is only one day at a time. Just do it, it is not easy but we all have to work for it. – Naga

Thoughts on Steps Two and Three: I was pretending to be an atheist when I came to AA. After 2 years of frequent relapses, I decided AA wasn’t the cure for me after being discharged from a treatment centre. I decided to do it my way. Amazingly, I stayed sober for 10 months without AA, but remained a dry drunk with white- knuckle sobriety. I picked my first drink thinking, ‘I can manage it this time.’ It progressed rapidly. Eventually, I came to AA after a 3-day binge, beaten badly by King Alcohol. My second day in AA I spoke to a visitor about the steps. He told me that by deciding to come to AA, I’d already taken steps 1 and 2 consciously, and I need to sincerely practice step 3 on a daily basis. What he meant was, by coming to AA, I admitted I am powerless over alcohol, and consciously believed that AA will help me to relieve from alcoholism, and restore me to sanity. And that I need to let go on a daily basis. Initially I gave lip service to my belief. ‘Just fake it for the sake of staying sober.’ I asked HP to help me stay sober for that day; in the evening I thanked him for keeping me sober. This went on fine for a while. Well, subsequently I relapsed 2 more times. I realized later I had been away from the meetings a few days before my relapse, and did not ask for help by calling someone. Nevertheless, after each relapse I decided to return back to AA. I be­ lieved sincerely and whole-heartedly that AA can help me to stay sober. After my last drunk, on a daily basis, I continue to turn it over, and I remain sober till today. A little later I did step 2 thoroughly, to the best of my ability. After complet­ ing step 2, I realized that someone was protecting and taking care of me all along— from all the troubles and shortcomings. I had known people in AA and outside AA devoured by King Alcohol. I don’t have the answer why I was looked after all along; this fact helps me to be grateful towards my HP and AA. In sobriety, I got my family back and a new pathway in recovery. I came to believe that someone kept me sober. And this power continues to help me when I sincerely follow directions and do whatever I need to do to stay away from alcohol. Also, I had the opportunity to see new-comers come in, stay sober, and start a new life in recovery. This strengthened my “Came to believe.” Being an alcoholic and prone to ‘self will run riot’ I did not have the faith and trust that HP will help me in other aspects of my life. Being a self-centered and ego-centric I was not willing to let go of self will. Whenever I revolted against “Thy will,” I was always beaten and reduced to size. Tormented by emotional and

mental despair, and continuing to see dear ones and myself being hurt, I was will­ ing to change.

When I accepted my powerlessness over my limitations, deformities, and peo­ ple, place, and things, I realized I needed help to get release from them; I turned towards my sponsor and friends in AA. They asked me seek HP with humility and an open mind and ask for help and pray for the willingness to do the next right thing in life. I followed directions to the best of my ability and it helped me live life on life’s terms. Today, I continue to do that in recovery since I do not know what else would work for me.

I have heard in AA that humility, open mind, and willingness can lead to faith. In my view, this is the foundation for “Came to believe.” And my experience showed me absolute faith in HP (of my understanding) and actions help to restore oneself to sanity. It needs to continue on a daily basis—at least for me—to work.

– Anonymous member of the Singapore AA Fellowship

The Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

6. An AA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contribu­ tions.

8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. AA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or com­ mittees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.