Dear Fellows in Sobriety, This edition of the Daily Reprieve takes us from April to June – Steps 4, 5 and 6.That’sa lot of ground to cover! From ‘fearless inventory’ to being ‘entirely ready’ to have the defects we’ve uncovered removed by our Higher Power. As I write this it is Easter Sunday. Whatever our conception of a higher power, I think we can all appreciate the symbolism of Easter: Surrender and Rebirth. It’s what we’re all about. We have accepted we are powerless and surrendered our will and our lives. By admitting the exact nature of our wrongs, we have surrendered our pride and ego. And we have made ourselves ready to start a new life by preparing to give up our defects. We want freedom. And that’s what’s on offer to us – nothing short of freedom. We are so lucky! Of course, there’s work to be done… Wishing you a Spring full of fresh perspective. Claire

Safe at last – My journey in AA I came to AA for the first time in my early 20’s and again in my early 30’s. I had a look around, picked up some pamphlets and left. At that point, I wanted to want to stop, but I didn’t want it enough. That’s my journey, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. When I arrived, and sat in the seat at Damien Hall– I felt safe. I was safe from myself, mainly. And others were safe from me too. The carnage that I was causing myself and others had to stop, which meant me stopping drinking. At first that’s all I wanted to do, stop drinking. Because after all, that was my problem – drinking. I knew nothing about alcoholism. Nothing at all. I kept coming back to meetings, only because I felt safe. And as I ‘came to’, I got AA on ‘drip feed’. And that’s the way this alcoholic had to hear it, bit by bit – because any other way I would have run for the hills. Or the nearest bar. I would listen to others, hear some stuff that I identified with. I would occasionally share about the pain the drinking had caused me, and reasons why I needed to stop. I was full of fear. I was fearful about what others thought, what my life would look like without alcohol and parties. I was convinced it was the end of the line for me – that I was never going to have any fun again. And then I started breathing life again. I started to really feel like I was in the right place. I started to feel positive about things. I made some positive changes in other parts of my life. I quit smoking. I started to exercise. I felt great. However, the honeymoon period didn’t last long. I started to lose my

mind. I was losing my temper worse than ever. I was getting angry and frustrated. I was getting resentments. I started to feel like the world had wronged me. It’s almost like the “ism’s” came true for me in sobriety. I had never felt this way before…but I realized that was because previously I had been medicated. This was the real me; and he needed to be treated. The honeymoon period, or ‘pink cloud’ is the teaser. I think everyone has that. I was given a ‘taste’ of what’s on offer, if I was prepared to do the work. I had and still have a wonderful sponsor. A kind and caring man, who gave me as much time as I need. He didn’t force it on me, we did it at my pace. Sometimes he would give me a nudge, but never used force – exactly how this alcoholic needed it. He said a lot of things to me early, which will always be with me – ‘don’t leave before the miracle’, ‘God never gives us more than we can handle’ and so on. The AA slogans for me, when I first heard them, were ‘corny’. I never thought I would ever repeat them. But now I have them pasted on my study walls. I have them as screen savers, I write them on my gadgets etc etc. In short, the slogans which once made me squirmish are tools I use to be productive as much as I can; they help me move forward. I never really knew how sick I was, until I started getting better. I was always surrounded by people who supported me, (no matter what!). Family and friends always made excuses for me. Always had excuses prepared. I was the youngest of four boys, so much of what I ever did had been done before. So none of it really ever came as a shock. But to me it was; in the end it was shocking. AA has taught me a lot of things; things that have saved my life. AA has taught me how to live a better, more fulfilling life. What I thought was normal, was not. What I thought was excusable, was not. AA taught has

taught me the difference between right and wrong. AA has taught me perspective. AA is helping me be the person I want to be. I use the 12 steps of AA in every aspect of my life today. I lean on my friends in the fellowship for all sorts of advice. In fact, in my 3 years I haven’t sought advice on anything from anyone outside of AA. Nothing I have faced up until now, and nothing I can imagine that’s ahead; will be too great a challenge for me, the sober me, with the help of a strong program. I have done things in sobriety I only ever dreamed about before. And will continue to do so. My mother saw me sober before she passed. Which is the way I want her to remember me. Tonight my oldest brother shared with me that he has been going to AA. I have secretly prayed, ever since I arrived in AA, that one day, maybe just one day – my brothers might too find AA. All that, and it’s only been 3 years. Imagine what’s ahead. I am finally ‘living’ life, and enjoying it (most of the time). I am slowly getting better, which means I am happier. As long as I stay on this path, stay close to the program, help others—I will lead a happy and fulfilling life. My sobriety comes first, no matter what. Without it I am screwed. I am a grateful recovering Alcoholic.

Hello, I am an alcoholic and my name is Bob. After several trips to Thailand, I retired to Nakhon Ratchasima (Korat) from Canada on July 23, 2009 having just celebrated 20 years of continuous sobriety on July 9, 2009. I approached this new life with mixed emotions because although I had a new wife, a new home and lots of time on my hands I had also checked the AA Thailand website and discovered there were no AA meetings near me. The closest was in Khon Kaen almost 200kms away. Throughout my time in AA I had seen person after person go back out because they stopped going to meetings and staying in contact with an AA community so I took some advice from an old friend in Canada and joined Loners – an email “meeting” of people in similar situations to mine. Through that meeting I “met” a guy in Roi Etand we arranged to meet in Khon Kaen and get to a “real” meeting. He brought his wife and I brought mine and we stayed in a hotel. I jokingly called it my $100 meeting because by the time I added up gas and hotel etc that is what the meeting cost me (police fines extra). We would usually go about once per month and I was never so happy to go to a meeting of 4 or5 people. I listed my name as a contact on the AA website for Korat and occasionally people will call and I will meet them for coffee and fellowship. One of those guys was a new farang teacher moving to Chatturat and until recently I would drive 1 hour to Chatturat to pick him up and then 2 hours to Khon Kaen to get to a meeting of 4 or 5 people. After the meeting we would all go to eat and then I would drive my friend back to 9

Chatturat and then drive back to Korat. It is 6 hours of driving for a one hour meeting and fellowship after. I leave home at about 2:30 pm and get home about midnight. When I was back in Canada, if someone had said I would do that to go to a meeting I would have said they were crazy, but I am thrilled to do it because I know what the alternative is. I was told early insobriety if I put in 10% of the effort that I used to get drunk to stay sober I would probably be okay. I also ask myself the question, “would you have gone to that much effort to get a drink when you were drinking?” And I think we all know the answer to that question. I have been trying to locate sober alkies in this area and up until now have been unable to find any …. just potential candidates. Until I am able to find other sober drunks around this area, I will continue to get my AA fix primarily from reading mails and trying to help others in my new home group — AA Loners. I wonder, occasionally, if the internet had been available for Bill and Bob, what would AA be like today– if it would exist at all. But I am very grateful to have AA contact and maintain my sobriety and some of my sanity.

The Fourth Tradition Check List: Practice These Principles Tradition Four: Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. 1. Do I insist there are only a few ways of doing the right thing? 2. Does my group always consider the welfare of the rest of AA? Or nearby groups? Of loners in Alaska? Of a group in Rome or El Salvador? Of internationalists miles from port? 3. Do I put down other members behaviour when it is different to mine, or do I learn from it? 4. Do I always bear in mind that, to those outsiders who know I am in AA, I may to some extent represent our entire beloved fellowship? 5. Am I willing to help a newcomer or go to any lengths – his lengths, not mine – to stay sober? 6. Do I share my knowledge for AA tools with other members who may not have heard of them? © “The AA Grapevine, Inc.” (November 1969)

Ever since I took my first few sips of alcohol, I knew that I was powerless over it. For as long as I remember, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. My solution for this, alcohol, gave me permission to jump out of the skin I was crawling under. Drinking was the solution to do things that were as wild and disgusting as I felt. Drunk, I was momentarily relieved after I drowned out my feelings and drunk, I would vomit all those feelings back out into the mess that I felt. The release though became more suffocating as my life became more unmanageable and I found out that I was powerless over so many things besides alcohol. My first drunk at 15 years old had me making out with American sailors at a seedy discothèque. That was my first kiss with alcohol that would spin out of control to a physically and verbally abusive relationship with my drunk self. From then on, binge drinking teamed up with obsessive self-destructive behavior and relationships, and to getting involved with people I would shamefully regret for years to come.

The monstrous thirst for drink was insatiable and impulsively drowned out anything spiritual. My dependence took flight quickly to new highs with recurrent turbulence. Luckily, my Higher Power came aboard quite early in my life and I am thankful to my Higher Power’s guidance that I have not faced worse consequences to my drinking. Often in my drinking years, my Higher Power offered to be my co-pilot but I would instead exile him to the passenger seat. Sometimes, I even put him in cargo where I could leave him with the rest of my baggage. Even though I did have my Higher Power on board with me for some short-haul journeys, I was convinced that we had different destinations. Instead, I was convinced that highflying was my path and I felt more than

qualified to navigate the skies on my own. My destiny was greatness and the journey impossible. So my contingency plan was something I learned from the Kamikazes. The times when I go off course, I would relapse with suicidal determination into old habits. Although I was lost in the dark, I refused to follow the light of my Higher Power. After my crash and burn rock bottom, my Higher Power graciously came back onboard as pilot. I am grateful that with His guidance, he is navigating me through this program with a sober mind. It was his will to bring me back to the rooms this year after four horrendous months of being lost in myself. In retrospect, I accept that I truly have a remarkable brain. I can put so much information into it, and so little will remain accessible, available or reliable. I have an uncanny ability to selectively delete files of information that I deem corrupt for my system. In my years of drinking, I have selectively trashed large parts of my drinking history into a large depressive pit. The only time I revisit this debris is after a bout of binge drinking or an AA meeting. It’s the hangover of knowing that I am an alcoholic and my life is unmanageable from that first drink. I am grateful to have this program and write this with a sober mind. I did not think I could make it to two meetings in a row. I did not think I could make it to meetings every day for a week, let alone for a month. 90 meetings in 90 days, I was told, but I did not think it was necessary. I have a hard time planning my daily schedule, let alone 3 months! I could only think ahead to one meeting at a time, and sometimes I would go to 4 in a day. I found that I became more efficient between those meetings and I found they helped to re-center my mind around my recovery and sobriety. I also used the phone a lot more – I am forming supportive fellowships and reconnecting with the world. I prayed to my higher power for a sponsor. It took me long enough to accept that I could reach out for help and that I don’t always have to do 13

things on my own. I use the Serenity Prayer to my higher power as key to accepting the things I cannot change. I make such impossible demands when left to my own devices, and just for today, if I don’t have the courage or the wisdom to leave people, places and things the way He has in mind, then I can hire people help me along the way too. I’m powerless over many things besides alcohol. Drunk or sober, I now accept that I cannot manage my own life – that only my Higher Power can guide me if I surrender. Drinking brought me down to my knees, where I pray to my higher power that I stay stopped. I surrender myself to Him and share my fears. I have to be vigilant and avoid overconfidence. I have to be vigilant because if I knock over one of the pillars of my sobriety, then a domino effect will ensue and an alcohol tsunami wave will wash my shaky structure into a mess of other addictions. My fragile self is barely put back together and I know that unless I secure a bedrock foundation grounding me, I am placing myself in an earthquake zone. The smallest tremor from my ego can kill me and I have to give up self-will and my selfish desires to control and conquer. I have to keep working the program, trust the process and keep taking life a step at a time.

Step 11 – Self-examination, meditation and prayer There is a direct linkage between self-examination, meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. ‘Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98

I have heard in the rooms that AA is a spiritual program, that the disease of alcoholism centres in the mind and that we must embrace a spiritual way of life hereafter if we hope to attain peace. A spiritual solution for a spiritual malady. I thought it meant shaving my hair, eating vegetables and living in a cave. But I have since learnt that this is far from the truth.

When I used to drink and drug, I lived in constant negativity and darkness. My mind was filled with fear, anger, hatred, resentments and, like I said, much darkness. I was either preoccupied with the past or fearful about the future. When I got sober and began the journey of recovery and did everything that was suggested by my loving sponsor, I then expected miracles to happen. I expected to be transported into the 4th dimension of existence on a sunlit beach yesterday… but when my ‘best friend alcohol’ was gone, I found myself left with the real problem. My mind.

In a desperate search for answers, I worked the steps, did as suggested and learnt some new words. Humility. Discipline. Gratitude. Serenity. Being present in the moment. Freedom. Mindfulness. Non ego. Choice.

These words were never in my dictionary when I was drinking and still elude me when I am not spiritually fit, on a moment to moment basis. It is only through prayer and meditation, that I found a level of calmness needed for my racing mind to really listen to a higher power. It is a constant discipline that frankly does not come easily for this alcoholic.

But just how joyous, happy and free do you want to be? I know my answer. I craved emotional sobriety which means, for me, freedom from my afflicted mind, mental suffering and obsessive and negative thoughts. Prayer and meditation has been my answer to the freedom of the mind. -Anonymous

‘When we sit down to meditate we leave behind the idea of the perfect meditator and preconceived results (expectations). We train in simply being present. We open ourselves completely to the pain and pleasures of our life (acceptance). We train in precision, gentleness and letting go (discipline and letting go). Because we see our thoughts and emotions with compassion, we stop struggling against ourselves (compassion). We learn to recognize when we’re all caught up and to trust that we can let go (powerlessness). Thus the blockages created by our habits and prejudices start falling apart. In this way, the wisdom we were blocking becomes available.’