I have never been jailed. So when the prison service was announced, I was scared, but recovery taught me “Always say YES to service requests”, so I “went in” on a hot Saturday afternoon. What is prison service like? It takes time to clear all security checkpoints, set up the meeting room, and now that I live in Johor, Malaysia, travelling to and fro Changi Prison can take half a day easily – It’sa lot of effort!

Suddenly I have something to give: the solution. I get to share my story, hoping someone would identify “That’s me! I drink like this!”, and maybe one day say, “I want what they have, how do I get it?”.

Every prison trip transforms me. I have met other A.A. fellows who keep coming back every Saturday. It feels like a heady spritual rush. When we walk out, we are firm friends. We know each other intimately and are grateful to be able to walk out, when all those fellows can’t (for now).

So why do I do this? Partly because as Bill said, “I’m just so damn grateful. I can’t help giving it back.” Also because I’ma very sick alcoholic who needs a hard-core recovery program. I get a huge buzz out of meeting a bunch of newcomers, who may be hearing about the AA solution for the first time. Deep inside I’m thanking them for my sobriety.

I feel hollowed out and refilled with the Sunlight of the Sprit. In that place of brutal truth, there is no more room for falseness. My heart is filled with a humble gratitude. It could have been me in their place.

The inmates shuffle in, with short cropped hair and slippers. We sit in a circle and there is an energy in that room. Step 1 is about hopelessness, defeat. Where else can you find more defeat than in a prison? These men come to the AA room with a lot of pain, suffering and hopelessness. We share personal stories that hopefully they identify with, a recovery example they want, and the solution. We’re presenting the message to men who may be at their bottom finally.

I’ve been granted freedom and a new way of life – one day at a time; This is the true connection I longed for when I was drinking.

The only way I get to keep this attitude is by “going back to jail”, and carrying the message.

This is a sacred duty charged to me by Bill, Dr Bob, Sister Ignatius and Dr Silkworth. I’d be selfish if I did not reach out to others at their bottom and share the solution. I cannot close my eyes and turn my face away from the suffering alcoholic. I pray I may be of use to someone.