MAD HATTER’S TEA PARTY alcoholism and mental health Accepting all parts of myself – by Wahderer I had no denial I was alcoholic; my When I quit drinking, I also threw I got my big “That’s me!” moment short life was a clear mess. The har out all my meds. I wanted to try when a fellow spoke of his bipolar. d par t wa sI fel tI stil l neede da clea n slat e – seeme d reasonab quote my drinks to cope with every emotion. cry. le then. Early sobriety was tough bu tI got to my 6 mon ths ona good note – I ran a half-maratho n and started 2 jobs. Pink cloud maybe? Mani a back mayb e? Wh o knew, didn’t matter, it just felt My ex got me into therapy and My ego thought I was above it all eventually a psych. For months, and life beckons me differently. I wa s treate d fo r depressio n whi I wanted desperately to start afre le bei ng a dai ly dru nk I reconnected with my sponsor sh without  and manipulat ing docto rs. It wo and befriended more fellows. NAME rked for a while before it fell apart. I foun da ne w docto r fo r thera I hit a manic episode with coffe py and meds. This time with rigor es and antidepre ssants every m ous willingness hones ty, vulnerabili ty, orning, working non-stop through to face the work. the day, drinks and parties and My travels were amazing, and so I men every night – repeat with no s chased that euphoria. I wondere I have to accept both my mood leep for 7 days. I excitedly spoke fr dif I’ve gon e to o fa r whe nI fou disorder and alcoholism. The har eely healed to the doctor as I thought it nd myself inside a raw forest alone d trut his I stil l ge t episodes , bu t and doing great. at ni ght in pi tch bla ck, and the I deal with them better now. Ik next day standing on a steep mou now now not to take either for granted. is. “Depressed people don’t do that”, ntain cliff on a remote island in again. the doctor said. “You’re bipolar”, he added , suggestin g hospitalisati on too. “Hell no“, I went hysterical and litera lly ran aw ay. W hat di dI do n ex t? Id rank with p ani c and venge an ce. 6 fr iend s had to rotate babysitting me that nI returned to Singapore and AA ight. I blac ked out and app aren feeling more broken, bu As I speak up more about mental tly told everyone “I’m not crazy” rt surprisingl y stil l sober . Whe nIg health, more fellows and friend epeat edl y 100s more. ot my 1 ye ar chi p, I fe lt suici s open up too. We‘re not alone, and dal inst ead of celebrati ng . I our best support is each other. was resen tful that sobr iety di d not solve every thin g and ho peless that the miracle was not fo r me. I felt di ffere nt fro m other was fel lows a nd their re covery – missing. Had to dive deep to find myself

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