My first drink was when I was 16. I remember getting hooked onto it rather quickly as I started binge drinking almost immediately. At first, I had everything under control. I became an extrovert under the influence. I became the social butterfly that everyone loved. I had a lot of “friends.”  Then as my drinking increased, my behaviour turned erratic and people started drifting away. From being a social butterfly, I became an isolated drinker.

Being the stubborn person I am, I again contemplated. Eventually, I gave in. I ended up pouring my heart out to the doctor because suddenly I felt that he was the only one willing to listen to me. From then on, I went to the NAMS counsellor, WeCare (a support facility for all kinds of addictions) and to my first AA meeting. I was clearly not ready. It was too much to take in one go. I was still in denial about my alcoholism. However, my parents made me go. I will be honest, I hated my first AA meeting. I felt like I didn’t fit in. I was surrounded by people older than me and I felt that I was too young to be there. I stopped going after this first attempt.

Many would agree with me that when you drink alone, no one can control how much you drink. I got worse and I was coming home drunk almost every single day. Sometimes I would even sneak alcohol in my bag so that I could continue drinking at home. My family grew worried and tired. They wanted me to stop but they felt helpless.  I felt more and more lonely each day. I had no one to talk to. No one would understand the pain I was going through. The only “friend” I had was alcohol. It never let me down. It was always there for me, within reach. Everywhere I went, I had it with me.

As years went by, and my admissions into NAMS increased, they recommended that I go for a rehab program. I was half hearted about it because I had lost all hope in myself. I thought I was going to die an alcoholic. But I went anyway. Why? Only my Higher Power can answer that. I went for multiple AA meetings during my rehab program, and this time around, surprisingly, I enjoyed them. I started opening up. I started sharing about my life. I felt that these were the only people who could ever understand the struggles I was going through.

However, it also brought its own pain and consequences. As days passed, I became more erratic. I started acting on my suicidal thoughts. Until, one day, I was sent to IMH A&E. Based on their assessment, they had to admit me into NAMS. I was hesitant because I didn’t believe that I was an alcoholic. “I’m too young to be an alcoholic,” I thought to myself. Though when they explained the signs and symptoms of an alcoholic, my curiosity was kindled and I got admitted. Upon discharge, they referred me to the NAMS clinic’s doctor.

I met my sponsor through these AA meetings. She gave me her contact three times throughout the years, hoping I would reach out to her when I got discharged. It took me close to six years to get back to her. Despite taking a long time to reach out, she responded almost immediately and compassionately. I am grateful to the doctors and counsellors of NAMS for introducing

me to AA, for being an empathetic listening ear through all my painful experiences, and for allowing me to build strong relationships with them that I can fall back on any time. I am grateful to my AA fellows for always being warm and welcoming, even after I was absent from the rooms for six years. I thought I’d never have friends again, but the friendships I found in the rooms have filled my heart with warmth and comfort. Thank you to every single person who has been through this journey with me. I will forever cherish these memories and the love.