“Without help, it is too much for us” has always been apparent to me.

Intellectually, I have always known that I was powerless over my spiritual malady or illness of alcoholism. This time, I have been in recovery for about three months after being out of the rooms for three years. Before that, I was in the program for three years where I every day surrendered myself to my higher power and acknowledged my defects of character. That made me see that I was not in the driver’s seat of my own life and that no recovery would ever be possible if I did not involve others in my recovery.

Without my higher power, it is too much for me.

My long relapse was not because I thought I could drink responsibly. I have known since my early twenties that I was an alcoholic. However, I did not have a desire to stop drinking then though I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I was uninformed and lived my life according to my own will. I am still analyzing the reason or reasons for my relapse, but in my daily life I focus more on my spiritual fitness than on my past.

Without the program, it is too much for me.

The program means to me that my pursuit of, and commitment to, progress is enough. I don’t have to deliver perfect accomplishments or live up to people’s expectations except those I set myself. Of course, often those expectations that I set for myself involve other people, but I am now a lot more conscious about what I agree to do or say. This gives me an immense sense of spiritual freedom, especially when I live my life in accordance with the spiritual principles of our simple program.

Without connecting with people in the program, it is too much for me. These days, I speak to at least four or five people in the program every day.

I also attend online meetings, which I find very convenient and practical as it allows me to cement my sobriety one day at a time, but also I get to have meaningful days connecting with other alcoholics through these meetings. Being an introvert by nature, these corono days could easily have been an internal and unsound excuse for me to pick up the next drink. I was told in the beginning that it’s best not to drink between meetings.

Connecting with others and being vigorously honest with those closest to me in the program always helps me have a great day. As they also say, my best day drinking never exceeds my worst day in sobriety. That still holds true for me.

Without my sponsor, it is too much for me. I feel blessed to have a sponsor that I work the steps with, but that I also feel emotionally close to. I guess that having this kind of accountability helps me stay on the beam and carefully consider the next right thing for me to do rather than consulting a lifeless book.

Without being of service to others, it is too much for me. When I work with other people in the program, and it may be something as simple as a brief telephone conversation or performing a selfless gesture such as helping other members with small practical matters, I take myself out of my alcoholic space. It is evident that all the time I spent drinking and nourishing hangovers is now being converted into time that creates something meaningful for others. At the same time, it keeps me sober and I demonstrate to myself that I can be accountable and of service, that I have a God-given purpose on this planet.

Without the program, my life would be radically different – and not in a positive way. For knowing that, I am grateful.

Peter E