My SpiƕƌƱƲal AwaƎƈƫƦnƊ

Being me, I had my 1st Spiritual awakening in Rehab in all places. I was sent by my Job to Rhinebeck Rehab, Rhinebeck, NY for 30 days. My roommate, Geisle, an Icelander, decided our physical exercise was to jog from our Billets down to the main road, a 1/4 mile down hill then jog back up the hill to the Mess Hall for morning breakfast. I was in Rehab and knew nothing of AA slogans, steps or concept. Nothing. I was truly ‘MOCUS’ as the NY Old Timers would call it. I didn’t know whether to wound my ass or scratched my ass. That’s Mocus Folks.

One morning jogging down the hill suddenly I noticed things around me were all growing larger. The colors of the shrubbery, the trees, the Sky colors were so vivid and immensely bright. I was aware. I was not scared. There was such peace of mind. At this time of my Sobriety (?) MY MIND constantly ran saying crazy things morning, noon and night. I remember saying, if I get hit by one of those cars down there on that main road and die, I would have had a wonderful day. Mind you, this is 630 am before our 730 am Breakfast meal. I didn’t understand all this calmness I felt at the time this was happening but I knew this was a good thing. I would get better in spite of my fears, confusion and anger.

Being suicidal several times before arriving at Rehab, the desire to die left me. For whatever reason, I wanted to live for the first time. This folks, to me, was my Spiritual Awakening. I never discussed this magical moment with anyone or questioned it, I just knew this was good for me and I totally accepted that moment without questioning.

was recommended to me: keep coming back, fake it til you make it, just don’t take a drink, reach out. I began to ask everyone I met in the meetings what their concept of a Higher Power was. I was stunned to find that almost every person I spoke with had a different “God”. One woman had her deceased, beloved Grandmother as her Higher Power, another had the beautiful, magical nature of her home country, another the universe, and another had their own “higher self”. One fellow asked me very simply if there was ever a time when I felt there was some type of positive force or energy that was greater than myself? That was easy. When I was at the beach and when danced. In both cases I felt that there was some kind of amazing power at play that was totally beyond my control or description. That energy elevated me and made me feel part of something much greater than myself. So there I had it!!! I found my Higher Power! And all at once I was able to make sense of the Big Book, the Steps, the shares. Everything began to fall into place for my path to recovery. Over the past 4 years my concept of a Higher Power has continued to shift, evolve and develop. What has remained constant is the miraculous knowledge that I never again need to feel alone in this life. I came into AA because I desperately wanted to quit drinking and didn’t know how. What I found here was so much more! I found my tribe. I found a growing sense of self worth and usefulness. And I found my Higher Power. ~ Marnie