statements of arrogance was, he said, “who are you to believe you could have such an outsized impact on a person’s life?!” I retreated home after that session to pray and ask for courage and wisdom, for courage and wisdom were at the top of my God-wish list. In all truth, more than anything I was absolutely terrified of what I had to do. While hunkering down in prayer and meditation, there was one comment from my sponsor that kept coming back to me over, and over and it was this – “No false moves: nobody gets hurt.” He likened it to old cop movies where the policeman faces the perpetrator and says “Nobody move: nobody gets hurt.” His meaning was this: it was essential that throughout I remained true to myself, avoided manipulation, steered clear of emotional blackmail and refrained from apologies about certain things I knew to be untrue. As I drove down the highway to deliver the breakup message, I had an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. Indeed this was among the greatest presences of God I have ever experienced. By the time I arrived at her home, I was able to courageously complete my task without much of the feared drama. It wasn’t all smooth sailing from there, but I was able to sleep at night knowing that I operated truthfully to myself, to her and to God. Being a serial people-pleaser, the statement “to thine own self be true” has been a golden nugget. The AA program and these truths have delivered me from not just bad relationships, but also given me a higher level of God-consciousness and a life of sobriety I didn’t know was possible. ~ Rich H

In my 2nd year of sobriety, I was dating a girl who had a 2.5 year old boy. With no children of my own, I “adopted” this boy and did the things his absent father would have certainly done. Everything from potty training to swim lessons and even his first major family vacation were part of this “father-son” experience. As his mother and I were not married or even engaged, it may have been unwise for me to take such an active role. Regardless, his mother felt it was important he had a strong male figure in his life, even if it was for a limited-time only.

As life went, problems between his mother and I began to surface; these largely had to do with fundamental differences in values. It soon became clear that these values differences, which were not insignificant, could not be overcome and I would soon have to end the relationship. Any breakup even under the best circumstances is very difficult but when you add a child to the mix, it becomes even more difficult. I did what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous: I called my sponsor. Upon meeting with my sponsor, he had me outline the truth of the matter. My sponsor knew well that I had, and have, a bad case of people-pleasing-ism. My default certainly would be to avoid truth in order to make the counterparty feel better, if only momentarily. Our exercise was for me to state what was true about the relationship, true about my sobriety and true about the values differences we were facing. Writing those facts down on paper I was able to see even more clearly that while very painful, the right thing to do was to end the relationship. I was also counselled by my sponsor to avoid acting arrogant with thoughts such as “if I breakup the child will suffer without me” and “I will not break up because I don’t want to hurt the woman”. The rationale for these