The Control Rooms in My Brainbox

There are many proven, practical suggestions in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) literature that, if followed, would lead to a life of serenity and peace of mind, and we hear these suggestions every day in the AA meetings that we attend, and it seems that we all place different degrees of importance on these suggestions.

imagining it as a separate control room in my brain, so to speak, right next to another control room labeled ”Conscience”. My Conscience says, “Make your bed” and my EGO says, “Don’t be a Wimp.” Next, I make my bed. The more I do what my Conscience suggests, the more I render my EGO irrelevant.

This might simply be based on how desperate we were when we entered the program. Desperation was the main motivation that brought many of us to Alcoholics Anonymous voluntarily in the first place. Unfortunately, some members get to a certain comfort level then we see them settling into a pattern of just attending meetings and falling into that “Half Measures” rut and this is a routine that can go on indefinitely, but that is their choice.

All my EGO driven actions were of a selfish nature, and all my Conscience driven actions are Unselfish in Spirit. If I had not given due diligence to all the twelve steps and had let my EGO talk me out of it, I would, most likely not have gotten to this level of understanding.

I had to start with simple suggestions like, Restraint of pen and tongue (12 & 12 pg.91) and, Drop the word blame from my speech and thoughts. (12 & 12 pg.47). I find it rewarding to be willing to brew and serve coffee, pass out the books at the step study meetings, take out the trash bags etc. I can also smile, open a door for someone, let someone in on the highway and help with an occasional hand out to the less fortunate.

On page 35 in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12&12) it states that willingness is the key but when I was in my early days of sobriety, I resisted looking deeper into those embarrassing behaviors of the past, and the present, and it slowed down the pace of my recovery, but thank God, it did not bring it to a complete stop.

Some may misunderstand my motives for why I do these simple little gestures, but I never let myself be deterred simply because, if I did, I would be letting my EGO get another foothold and I am just not going to let that happen here. I am simply dropping the dead weight from my Conscience.

I then learned that I was not the one making decisions about my willingness, for I had another power hijacking that function of my brain box. I had to come to terms with something that never occurred to me on my drinking days. Most of my errant behavior was the result of an EGO driven mindset. My EGO did not want me to be willing to do any of the altruistic principles that the AA program encourages, and it selfishly ran the show, for the most part.

Today, I do not have to think about doing these deeds as they have become second nature and part of who I am these days. When I do these things without fanfare, I get a warm feeling in my heart that replaces those old neglectful, Negative emotions of the past. No Half Measures here. My Conscience is my guide. Night-night EGO, it is time to take your nap now.

I recognized this many years ago and decided that until I got my EGO under control, I was going to be one of those unfortunate souls that falls into that complacency mode. I seem to approach the EGO deflation problem by