I believe that I have had further spiritual experiences, more of the educational variety in working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, attending meetings, doing service and working with others. I guess this has all been helped by having an attitude of willingness. And as my sponsor would advise me, if I am not willing about any aspect of the program of AA, then I can pray for willingness. I see the spiritual experiences are demonstrated primarily in the obsession to drink being lifted from me. I have been able to walk through quite a few big life events in sobriety without the need or desire to pick up a drink. This to me is the demonstration that there has been some vital personality change in me. All I had to do was to suit up, show up and be willing to do some work. I am grateful to be aware that I have a daily reprieve and that this is contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. As my sponsor says, “I cannot get full on yesterday’s burger”. So there is always work for me to do every day, one step at a time. Anonymous.

When I was an active alcoholic, my response to the common question “how are you?” was invariably a glib “I’m fine thank you; yourself?” Even at the time, I knew it simply wasn’t the case. For many, many years, I was not fine. I was not ok. If I was being honest, I was miserable. But of course, my ability to be honest about how I felt was beyond me. So I would reply “I’m fine”, and move onto my next drink as quickly as possible. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has changed my life in two key ways. Both of them positive and profound. Firstly, I can now be honest with myself and others regarding how I feel. It’s no longer shameful to admit that I may be tired, upset or jaded if that’s the case. Nor is it impossible to express enthusiasm, joy or excitement if that’s what I’m feeling, unlike in times past, when such an admission would have made me cringe. In recovery, I no longer need to maintain a facade. I can be comfortable with myself and my reality. I own my emotions in a way I never used to. If I am asked how I am, I have the capacity to answer humbly and honestly. Secondly, I have the capacity to feel the positive emotions of happiness, serenity and worthiness, all of which were previously beyond me.

I don’t ride a magic carpet of euphoria (and remain suspicious of those who claim they do!) but I do know those feelings now, and my life is a far cry from the dark world of my drinking days. In recovery, When I say “I’m okay”, I genuinely mean it. More importantly, I can say “it’s all okay” and know that to be the absolute truth. I have been given the gift of gratitude, which has made me realise that my life is indeed, “ALL OKAY”. Anonymous