felt. They knew all about alcoholism and the solution for it. I started to go to the meetings but I was not interested to work the steps or have a sponsor. I was dishonest, I did not trust anybody, I did not get too close to anyone, and I did not ask for help. I spent a lot of energy in controversy, in debate about the program. I heard members share about the damage they did to their kids and thought, I did not do those things, and I did not lose my job or relationship. I compared myself with others, I wanted those people to recognize me, how good I was, how smart I was, but one day someone very nice asked me if you know everything, if you know how to do all these things and have had all this success in your life and have nothing else to learn, why are you here? I could not answer that person. The truth was I was relapsing all the time and the things that I was doing were not keeping me sober and I was still refusing to work the program. I made the decision to go to India on a spiritual retreat and thought maybe I could find the cure for myself and maybe I do not need to come to these AA meetings for the rest of my life! So, I went to India for 4 months, I was clean, meditating all the time, doing yoga, attending silent retreats etc. Things went well for a while until I finished my trip and had to come back. It was my birthday and I can tell you this, the obsession to drink was so strong, and I justified why I should have a drink. Fortunately, I couldn’t find alcohol in the city where I was living in India, but when I came back to Singapore, It was one of the first things I did, I went out to celebrate my spiritual life in India and without hesitation I ordered a drink. All the things I learned in AA came to my mind, the craving for more, how tired I was fighting not to drink. I had enough, I accepted that I am an alcoholic and I will never to be cured and no matter how many spiritual trips I do, I will still be an alcoholic for the rest of my life. That was my last drink, I came back to the rooms the next day, and found myself a sponsor as soon as possible. I worked the steps and followed your suggestions, especially doing the ones I didn’t want to do and I recently celebrated my first year anniversary. Today I know this program works if I work it and that the only person who can put obstacles in the way of living a better life is me. The quality of my recovery depends on how much I work for it, today it is me who decides what kind of recovery I want and how happy and free I want to be. Anonymous