What is it about change that throws me for such a loop? We in AA joke with each other about how much we do not like to change, but it is not until I am in the midst of it, that I recall just how big of an impact it has on me. The ironic part is I think one of the greatest blessings sobriety has given me is the ability to change. Most adults do not change very much. There comes a point in time when you are who you are. But in AA we are all about change: changing our drinking, our actions, our relationships with our higher power and so on. In ‘the rooms’ we embrace the change and celebrate these magnificent changes with each other. But ‘on the outside’, my first reaction is to fight the change with everything I have. The funny thing is when I look back at all the changes in my life, they have all been wonderful. No matter how difficult they seem at the time, and how much I question why these things are happening, I can ALWAYS look back and see the beauty in it. It could be the result, it could be the journey, or sometimes simply the lesson learned and the ability to carry that wisdom to my next adventure. Even as I am in pain from time to time in the present, there is that little voice in the back of my head reminding me that I have been through this before. This is not that serious, and no matter what I will be alright. I may not feel alright, but I am alright. I received a call from a sponsee the other morning which was an absolute blessing. It was about 4am, I hadn’t been sleeping very well and had been on the road all but 5 days in the past 9 weeks. My first thought was to ignore the call, because I was ‘too busy’ and was already running off to the office. But thankfully my sponsors have taught me well and I know the hand of AA must always be available. As we were chatting I brought up my angst about a big meeting that morning. He reminded me that during his 5th step we learned that one of his default settings was to get all worked up in an effort to show how great he was (in an attempt to cover up how he felt). I started chuckling and realized this was exactly what I was doing. This stress wasn’t forced upon me; it was all in my head. I would be lying if I said I was cool as cucumber since. However, that was in fact the turning point in my current adventure. I doubled down on my meetings, increased my contact with the people who care about me (in and out of AA), upped my meditation and my focus on helping others. It is amazing how much the program of AA helps me in my day to day life, assuming I use the tools that I have at my disposal. This new journey has just begun but I have a renewed hope that with the help of all of you I will be able to rise to the challenge. Anonymous