BeinǗ Truǃ tȆ YouȨself

Being true to yourself has two different meanings – the one before AA and the one after Before AA, being true to myself was getting a drink down me and listening to the voice in my head. The one that was spoken by the face in the mirror I couldn’t look at. This voice would tell me that I was better than those fools (everyone else). It would tell me that my creativity was genius but they couldn’t see, and that I knew the best thing to do but they were jealous and wouldn’t listen (they felt threatened by my talent). Being true to myself meant being above everyone else, those fools, they knew nothing of the lightness of being I was getting from this hit, they couldn’t know my higher state, the real me was digging tunes better than they ever knew, was king of the world!.. When I wasn’t like this, I was feeling guilty, I was angry, hungover, hiding things, planning a drink, well that simply wasn’t the real me. After AA, I’m not even sure there should be a me to be true to. I want to work on my humility so that there is no me, no internal monologue. If I am to be true to myself then that is just another way of saying be true to AA, be true to my higher power, be true to sobriety, be true in service. If I do this then I guess I am being true to myself, but this is not a selfish thing, and I certainly do not think I am superior to anyone else (well I try not to….we are not perfect, me and myself!)

If I am true to myself now then that truth refers to being honest with myself and others, being someone you can trust, who will try to put others before myself, within reason.