When it did happen it was dramatic. I was seriously ill. But even through my illness, my pride and shame kept me from coming back. I remember lying on my couch totally defeated. He said gently “Just come back, we’re your family, no-one will judge, everyone will just be so happy to have you back with us”.

to always be there….

It was the unconditional love of a Fellow that saved my life in every way. By the time we met, I had already been in and out for 3 years. We clicked right away. He had everything I wanted, especially a wry sense of humor when it came to sobriety and all that entailed in getting on with life.

Was it a spiritual awakening? Who can say. But in that moment of complete vulnerability, I knew I was loved absolutely. And I wanted to live.

Sometimes I could get a few months up, and every time I truly thought I had this beat. But as we all know, after brief recovery comes a worse and even more demoralizing relapse.

Invariably I went out again. This time for over a year. It was Covid times, so we didn’t see each other as often. Our friendship was still there and he’d check on me, even though he knew I was out drinking. He never badgered me to come back in, but I always knew the door was open and a hug was waiting when I decided it was time. I think we both knew someday I’d be back.