In spirit of the 6th and 7th month and thinking about which removed character defect had the biggest impact; it is definitely having less fear in my life!

that doesn’t render me lame with fear, I am in a monogamous relationship and don’t have to lie about anything anymore.

But faith only comes when I do the work. Knowing my defects and asking my higher power to remove them. Owning up to when I am in the wrong, connecting through prayer and meditation. Helping others.

I’ve always had it as a shadow companion for as long as I can remember. The fear that I wasn’t good enough, or what others might think of me. The fear of being gay, or creative, or outspoken or anything else…it was just always there. Until I took a drink. The distinct feeling of the fear and anxiety draining from my body was the most amazing feeling and I chased it as much as I possibly could. It was also fun, my goodness, I had SO MUCH fun when I wasn’t frightened. But, unfortunately that didn’t last very long, as the more I drank, the fun came with some consequences and in the end – it was just consequences. Dire ones.

I am thankful to be sober. I am thankful to have recovered in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I am so incredibly thankful to have less fear, more faith and a tremendous amount of love.

My name is Adrian and I am a grateful alcoholic!

My goodness, as I am writing this my memories get flooded with images of waking up with heart-stopping anxiety and trying to remember what I have done the night before. Or looking at my phone and seeing that, again, I have wasted so much money on drinking (and other shenanigans). My problems seemed to have just compounded itself and somehow multiplied, when I was doing my disappearing-from-reality act.

I sobered up in January 2015 and I started working the steps. The fear definitely wasn’t removed immediately and it still plagues me to this day, but nothing as intensely as it was. I wake up in the mornings with gratitude instead of anxiety, I manage my finances in a way