Hello  my  name  is  Phil  and  I’m  an  alcoholic  from  Newcastle  in  England.  I  have  recently  been  on holiday  in  Singapore  with  my  family  visiting  my  wife’s  sister.  I  found  the  fellowship  in  Singapore a  lifeline  as  I  attended  the  early  morning  meeting  at  Boat  Quay  most  mornings.  It  made  such  a difference  to  my  holiday  being  around  like-­‐minded  people,  I  just  wanted  to  write  a  few  lines  to thank-­‐you  all  for  your  support.  On  my  last  day  I  was  chatting  to  a  member  and  he  said  why  not stay  in  touch  with  us  all  via  What’sApp.  This  is  where  members  of  the  fellowship  can  share  their experience,  strength  and  hope  with  one  another  by  an  app  on  the  phone.  I’ve  enjoyed  reading messages  on  this  service  usually  the  morning  messages  which  I  receive  at  11pm  due  to  the  time difference.   I   was   sitting   at   home   tonight   and   the   morning   messages   were   talking   about   the newsletter  and  the  deadline  being  today,  I  thought  I’d  just  write  a  few  lines  of  gratitude  to  you all,  and  I  hope  to  see  you  all  when  I  return  to  Singapore  in  August  2015. Phil  C

I’m  Tony  and  I’m  and  I’m  an  alcoholic.      I’ve  been  sober  for  336  days. About  3  months  ago  I  was  on  the  balcony  reflecting  on  my  day  and  I  realized  I  did  not  have  an obsession  to  drink.      I  actually  hadn’t  had  the  obsession  for  a  while.  I  felt  a  clean  breeze.  I  had taken  off  my  shoes  for  the  day.      I  could  feel  cool  wood  planking  on  the  balcony  through  my bare   feet.     I   felt   free.     The   funny   thing   is   that   it   had   been   a   bad   day.     I   recall   my   boss complaining   that   my   work   wasn’t   sharp,   wasn’t   different   than   our   competitors.     Hard   to understand.      Yet  I  was  acutely  aware  that  I  wasn’t  even  thinking  about  drinking.    No  obsession.

No  desire  to  run  and  hide.    Grateful,  in  fact.    Grateful  to  experience  my  life  sober.    Grateful,  to even  re-­‐experience  my  life  as  it  really  is. As  I  was  thinking  about  my  boss,  I  was  able  to  actually  recall  the  exact  conversation.    Turns  out he  wasn’t  complaining.    He  made  simple,  precise  statements.    There  was  not  criticism  in  his voice.    There  was  statement  of  fact.    He  wasn’t  complaining.    He  was  calling  it  as  he  saw  it.    I remember  spending  an  hour  after  that  discussion  feeling  hurt,  inadequate.    Feeling  like  he  was out  to  get  me.    Then  I  got  over  it.    His  points  were  valid.    “Go  make  it  clearer.”    And  then  I moved  on.    Several  hours  later,  it  turns  out  I  had  been  holding  on  to  resentment  over  criticism. Whether  or  not  he  intended  to  criticize  wasn’t  something  I  could  control.    But  I  did  take  his suggestions  and  felt  that  my  work  was  more  clear  now.    It  was,  in  fact  a  miracle. Probably  a  year  ago  to  that  day  on  my  balcony,  I  remember  being  on  a  call  with  5  people.    I  was drunk.    I  was  drinking  vodka  from  a  water  bottle  at  work  by  that  time,  in  the  office,  on  client sites,  in  bathrooms,  while  driving.    I  remember  trying  not  to  drink  before  this  meeting.    It  was important.    There  were  serious  issues.    People  weren’t  pulling  their  weight.    The  client  wasn’t happy.    Of  course,  before  I  dialed  in,  I  took  one  sip.    To  take  the  edge  off.    And  when  the  call started,  I  think  I  was  having  a  sip  after  every  point  someone  made.    By  the  end  of  the  call  I wasn’t  rationale.    I  was  accusing  my  colleagues  of  not  supporting  me.    I  was  hysterical  about  the performance   of   junior   team   members.     I   told   them   the   project   was   in   serious   trouble.     I remember  one  kind  team  member  asking  what  he  could  do  and  I  wasn’t  able  to  come  up  with one  action  for  him  to  take,  before  going  back  to  complaining  and  accusing.    By  then,  the  bottle was  empty  and  I  was  feeling  drunker  and  drunker.    I  was  expected  home.    In  no  position  to drive.    I  sat  in  a  bathroom  for  over  an  hour  trying  to  sober  up.    I  drove  home  drunk  that  day.    I woke  up  the  next  morning  without  talking  to  my  wife  and  started  the  same  thing  again. I  feel  I  am  in  a  special  place  in  my  sobriety.    Stable  most  days,  yet  able  to  feel  the  complete despair  of  my  recent  past.    I  remember  a  newcomer  last  month  ask  me  when  the  obsession  left me.     I’m   not   sure   if   he   liked   my   response   of   5-­‐6   months   after   I   quit   drinking.     Then   I remembered,  like  him,  I  still  want  instant  gratification,  a  quick  fix.    Something  for  nothing.    In fact,  I  can’t  remember  an  exact  date,  or  an  exact  situation  when  the  obsession  left  me.    It’s  like the  point  when  a  new  pair  of  shoes  gets  broken  in  and  you  don’t  get  blisters  anymore. It  helps  if  you  wear  it  every  day.    It  helps  if  you  walk  an  extra  few  steps  and  deal  with  a  bit  of discomfort.    It  helps  if  you  polish  them  so  you  look  sharp.    It  helps  if  you  pace  yourself  and  don’t start  running  on  them.    So  I  guess  my  sobriety  has  been  about  doing  the  work,  a  day  at  a  time. Step  by  step.    As  they  say  in  the  book,  “it  works,  it  really  does.” My  recovery  hasn’t  been  perfect.    It’s  been  clumsy.    I’ve  had  lots  of  ups  and  downs.    Large mood  swings.    I  have  struggled  with  life  on  life’s  terms.    I  have  not  always  followed  instructions.

I  don’t  reach  out  to  my  sponsor  enough.    (Thanks  for  everything,  you  know  who  you  are).    I don’t  always  call  people  when  I’m  feeling  low. To   be   precise,   the   obsession   has   left   but   sometimes   comes   back.     There   are   days   when   I experience  a  twinge  of  regret  I  don’t  drink  anymore.    There  are  days  when  it  really  sounds  like  a good  idea  to  pick  up  again.    But  those  days  are  few  and  far  between.    Most  days  the  obsession just  doesn’t  want  to  be  around  me.    I’ve  filled  my  life  with  a  meeting  every  morning.    Friends— real  friends  surround  me  in  the  program.    A  connection  to  a  higher  power.    A  feeling  I  can  be useful  to  others  like  me.    A  sense  that  I  am  worth  something  and  have  a  purpose.    I  practice better   solutions   to   really   small   problems.     Those   same   solutions   also   apply   to   really   big problems.    My  life  seems  simpler  today  and  I  really  can’t  see  another  way  of  living. Thanks  for  letting  me  share.

An  Attitude  of  Gratitude We  often  hear  in  the  rooms  references  to  gratitude,  be  it  gratitude  lists  or  a  fellow  introducing themselves   as   a   “grateful   alcoholic’.   In   Singapore,   we   even   have   a   gratitude   meeting   on Saturday   mornings   where   the   focus   is   on   some   aspect   of   being   grateful   for   being   sober.   I remember  some  years  ago,  before  I  got  sober,  I  read  “The  Secret”  and  there  was  a  reference  to gratitude   lists   in   the   book.   At   the   time,   this   looked   like   a   good   idea,   but   did   I   ever   write   a gratitude  list  or  recite  one  in  the  shower  as  one  of  the  authors  regularly  did.  Nope!!  Nor  did  I see  any  need.  I  was  delusional  to  my  life’s  unmanageability  and  the  misery  I  was  in  and  the cause  of  that  misery  –  my  alcoholism! Fast   forward   a   few   years…I   was   in   early   sobriety   and   my   sponsor   suggested   that   I   write   a gratitude  list.  But  this  time,  I  was  in  so  much  pain  that  I  took  note.  Now,  it  is  easy  to  rattle  off  a list  of  things  I’m  grateful  for…  My  home,  my  family,  my  friends,  my  sponsor,  my  sponsees,  my meetings,  even  my  sobriety…Yadda  yadda  yadda…but  am  I  BEING  grateful? Am  I  really  feeling  the  gratitude? I   believe   that   when   I   am   BEING   grateful   and   really   feeling   the   gratitude,   I   get   a   shift   in perspective.  This  change  in  perspective  is  the  ultimate  goal.  For  example,  I  may  lamely  put    “my job”  on  my  gratitude  list  when  I  am  going  through  the  motions  and  writing  or  reciting  my  list. But,  am  I  feeling  it?  Well,  I  am  currently  in  a  phase  where  I  actually  don’t  like  my  job.  I  really don’t.  So,  how  can  I  feel  gratitude  for  the  job  I  hate?  What  I  can  do  is  take  a  moment  (or  a  few  if necessary)  and  remember  what  is  like  to  not  have  a  job.  I  have  experienced  this  in  sobriety  as well  as  before.  I  can  remember  what  it  is  like  to  try  and  support  my  family  without  a  job  and remember  the  times  I  wished  I  had  a  job…any  job.  Pretty  soon,  I  can  find  a  way  to  feel  the gratitude,  to  BE  grateful  for  my  job.  And  the  list  goes  on…

If  I  will  be  still  for  a  moment,  there  is  always  the  fact  that  today  I  am  sober.  And  if  I  am  sober,  I have  a  chance.  A  chance  at  what?  Anything.  And  that  is  the  possibility  of  sobriety…  Anything. Anything  is  possible,  if  I  stay  sober. I   am   genuinely   grateful   to   the   sponsor   that   first   suggested   that   I   write   a   gratitude   list.   And today,  the  more  I  practice  the  attitude  of  gratitude,  the  more  I  can  see  things  to  be  grateful  for, some  big  some  small. Simon  A.