Here  are  some  thoughts  on  my  experience  in  taking  other  men  through  the  12  steps  of  Alcoholics Anonymous  using  the  “Back  to  Basics”  workshops  structure.  First  of  all,  the  “Back  to  Basics”  book  is not  A.A.  conference  approved  literature,  neither  is  “A  New  Pair  of  Glasses”  or  any  of  the  myriad  of speaker  tapes  that  many  of  us  (me  included)  refer  to  in  meetings.  I,  like  many  fellows,  get  great comfort,  hope,  solace  and  guidance  from  all  of  these  sources  of  experience,  strength  and  hope  from fellows  that  have  trudged  the  road  of  happy  destiny  before  me. For  those  not  familiar  with  “Back  to  Basics”,  this  is  a  book  that  describes  in  step-­‐by-­‐step  detail  the “original”  Alcoholics  Anonymous  Beginners’  Meetings  that  produced  a  50-­‐75%  recovery  rate  from alcoholism  during  the  1940’s  and  1950’s.  The  book  was  published  after  two  years  of  research  and  a further  two  years  running  Beginners’  Meetings  based  on  a  1946  A.A.  format.  1

1 Note from Editor – the Daily Reprieve has been running a series of Wallly P’s “Back to Basics” articles for the past several editions of the Daily Reprieve, copies of which are available from www.singaporeaa.org

This  is  just  my  experience  using  this  format  to  guide  others  through  the  steps.  From  my  experience, it  is  much  better  working  the  steps  with  the  guide  of  a  sponsor  than  trying  to  fathom  them  out alone.  I  am  very  grateful  for  the  guidance  I  have  received  from  sponsors  in  working  the  steps. When  I  first  worked  the  12  steps  of  A.A.,  I  was  guided  through  most  of  these  by  a  sponsor.  In  my first  year  of  sobriety,  due  to  work  needs,  I  had  to  travel  to  several  countries  and  for  some  period  of time.  Thus,  by  the  time  I  had  completed  the  steps  the  first  time  round,  I  had  worked  the  steps  with several  different  sponsors.  Then  came  the  challenge,  when  I  was  first  asked  to  sponsor  someone and  guide  them  through  the  steps,  I  felt  somewhat  lost.  How  had  my  sponsor  guided  me  through steps  1,  2  and  3?  They  were  all  a  bit  of  a  blur.  I  clearly  remember  how  a  sponsor  had  guided  me through  steps  4  and  5….I  did  as  was  suggested  and  I  sought  advice  and  I  worked  the  steps  with  guys that  asked  me. Working  the  steps  with  other  fellows  certainly  taught  me  more  about  the  steps  than  what  I  had previously  learnt  when  working  them  with  my  sponsors.  But  I  always  felt  I  was  not  doing  the  best  I could  as  a  sponsor  guiding  others  on  the  steps.  I  had  attended  severals  mens  step  workshops  in Singapore,  which  I  always  found  very  powerful  and  insightful.  I  heard  so  many  great  ways  to  work some  of  the  steps.  Which  way  was  best,  which  way  is  the  ‘correct  way’  to  work  the  steps  (more  on that  in  a  bit).  But,  as  I  had  not  worked  the  steps  in  that  way,  I  felt  awkward  in  trying  to  work  the steps  with  others  from  other  people’s  experience  alone.  I  had  not  experienced  the  steps  that  way and  I  felt  a  little  lost. Then  last  year,  I,  like  a  lot  of  fellows  in  Singapore,  attended  the  Wally  P  “Back  to  Basics”  workshop.  It was  very  powerful  taking  all  12  steps  in  one  day.  Admittedly,  we  didn’t  actually  go  and  make  some real  amends  from  the  lists  we  had  inventoried.  I  liked  the  simple  structure,  like  a  framework  with the  Big  Book  of  Alcoholics  Anonymous  as  the  content. At  the  time,  I  was  working  with  a  few  guys  and  had  been  guiding  them  through  the  steps  as  I  had done  them,  kind  of  bumbling  along.  A  thought  came  to  me  (clearly  not  my  own  original  idea),  why not  continue  to  guide  these  fellows  through  the  steps  using  the  workshop  framework.  I  had  the book.  Why  not  give  it  a  go.  I  have  to  say  that  for  step  4  and  5  I  still  fall  back  on  how  my  sponsor  had me  work  those.  But  I  have  found  a  sense  of  freedom  in  following  a  structure.  It  has  given  me  a structure  to  guide  others  through  the  steps.  There  is  also  a  good  pace  that  the  workshop  brings  that helps  to  keep  the  momentum  going  (from  my  experience). I  have  also  found  that  I  feel  more  involved  in  taking  these  steps  with  the  fellow    -­‐  together.  I  was told  that  the  “Back  to  Basics”  approach  to  the  steps  is  very  much  like  triage.  It  enables  the  guy  to  get some  relief.  He  can  always  come  back  and  redo  any  or  all  the  steps  again  in  more  detail  if  necessary. But  hopefully,  there  has  been  some  form  of  a  vital  spiritual  awakening  or  experience  as  Step  12  tells us  we  will  have  and  he  has  found  a  power  greater  than  himself  (as  the  Big  Book  tells  us  we  will).

Is   this   the   only   way   to   work   the   12   steps   of   Alcoholics   Anonymous?   Is   this   the   ‘correct’   way? Certainly  not,  this  is  just  one  approach,  one  suggested  way  that  the  steps  can  be  taken.  I  like  to remain  open  and  teachable  to  any  other  ways  to  work  the  steps  as  this  approach  may  not  work  for everyone  for  every  step…and  as  Wally  P  says,  “the  only  wrong  way  to  do  the  steps  is  to  not  do them”. Have  fun  trudging  the  road  of  happy  destiny. In  fellowship, Simon  A

Surrendering  is  the  only  way  ….

Of   all   the   tools,   readings   and   wealth   of   experience   that   one   encounters   in   the   rooms,   the   most important  lesson  in  my  own  recovery  was  my  brief  relapse.  I  had  just  picked  up  a  90  day  chip.  I  had just  quit  my  job  to  stay  away  from  my  old  drinking  buddies.  I  was  looking  forward  to  my  new  job where  I  would  tell  no  one  that  I  drink.  I  was  celebrating  my  wedding  anniversary  and  my  wife  was happy  I  was  sober  and  she  had  forgiven  me  for  my  misbehaviour  during  my  drinking  days.  Zero  work stress   and   no   marital   tension.   I   had   money   in   the   bank.   I   was   on   holiday   in   an   awesome   city. Everything  looked  great  and  it  was  great.  Except  for  the  fact  that  I  was  an  alcoholic  who  hadn’t conceded  to  my  innermost  self  that  I  was  an  alcoholic. And  then  one  night  I  picked  up  the  first  drink.  I  had  always  been  able  to  rationalize  my  drinking. There  was  always  some  problem,  some  trigger.  People,  places,  things  cause  me  to  drink.  My  reasons did   have   a   ‘certain   plausibility,   but   none   of   them   really   makes   sense   in   the   light   of   the   havoc’   I created.  So  why  did  I  pick  up  that  night?  ‘The  truth,  strange  to  say,  is  usually  that  I  had  no  more  idea why  I  took  that  first  drink  than  you  have.’ I  was  smoking  in  the  street  one  night.  My  wife  was  upstairs  preparing  for  bed.  We’d  had  a  wonderful day  sightseeing.  The  weather  was  chilly  and  my  cigarette  felt  especially  good.  No  desire  to  drink.  My eyes  focused  on  a  vending  machine  which  were  ubiquitous  in  that  particular  city.  I  recognized  the beer.  I  also  saw  another  beverage.  Couldn’t  read  the  script  on  the  can  but  I  understood  the  term ‘8%’  and  the  picture  of  a  lemon.  A  fruity  flavored  strong  alcoholic  beverage  that  wouldn’t  smell  like beer!  Next  thing  I  know  I’m  guzzling  two  cans  as  fast  as  I  can  in  the  time  taken  to  smoke  a  cigarette so  my  wife  wouldn’t  suspect  why  I  had  been  out  so  long. What   followed   afterward   was   a   2   month   binge   during   which   I   experienced   every   aspect   of   this disease   that   is   mentioned   in   the   Big   Book.   Finally   the   words   came   to   life   and   I   believed   my alcoholism.  The  reason  I  picked  up  was  because  ‘suddenly  the  thought  came  to  mind’  and  I  literally had  ‘no  mental  defense  against  the  first  drink’.  I  did  ‘stop  abruptly’  but  I  couldn’t  stay  stopped.  I  got drunk  faster,  the  blackouts  came  on  sooner  and  lasted  longer.  Still  I  drank.  At  times  I  felt  that  I  was

‘regaining  control,  but  such  intervals—usually  brief—were  inevitably  followed  by  still  less  control’ and  I  was  ‘unable  to  bring  to  my  consciousness  with  sufficient  force  the  memory  of  the  suffering  and humiliation’  I  endured  3  months  ago.  The  3  months  of  abstinence  did  nothing  to  slow  down  the progression  of  my  disease.  When  I  started  drinking  again  it  was  worse  and  not  better. I  went  to  a  few  meetings  without  telling  anyone  I’d  been  drinking  hoping  that  my  drinking  would somehow  magically  stop  or  moderate.  But  there  always  was  that  ‘curious  mental  phenomenon  that parallel   to   my   sound   reasoning   there   inevitably   ran   some   insanely   trivial   excuse   to   drink’.   I   was afraid  of  the  ‘terrific  consequences’  but  ‘my  sound  reasoning  always  failed  to  hold  me  in  check  and the  insane  idea  always  won  out’.  Bewilderment  and  frustration  plagued  me  after  every  drink.  I  was soon  to  experience  terror  and  despair,  but  not  yet. I   continued   to   attempt   to   ‘prove   that   I   could   drink   like   other   people’.   I   was   still   convinced   that ‘somehow,  someday  I  would  beat  the  game’.  ‘The  persistence  of  this  illusion  is  astonishing’  indeed.  I vaguely  began  to  suspect  that  this  was  becoming  a  losing  battle.  After  a  while  I  dishonestly  admitted at  a  meeting  that  I  had  a  very  minor  slip,  hoping  that  my  partial  honesty  would  help  me  partially stop  my  drinking.  However,  ‘half-­‐measures  availed  me  nothing’. I   continued   drinking   until   one   night,   I   called   an   AA   member.   To   this   day   I   have   no   idea   what possessed  me  to  call  that  member,  that  while  holding  a  can  of  beer  in  my  hand.  My  wife  was  out  of town  so  no  one  knew  about  my  drinking.  I  had  locked  myself  at  home  so  I  wouldn’t  create  any  havoc outside.   All   I   remember   was   that   feeling   of   ‘pitiful   and   incomprehensible   demoralization’.   He advised  me  to  finish  my  drink  (Hurray!!!)  and  come  to  a  meeting  the  next  day.  I  remember  waking up  the  next  day  in  sheer  terror  and  utter  despair,  wondering  whether  I  had  indeed  passed  out  on the  floor  of  my  home  or  some  other  sordid  place.  I  rushed  to  the  meeting  that  very  morning  drunk. All  I  remembered  was  a  member  saying  ‘You  can’t  save  your  face  and  your  ass  at  the  same  time!’ And  I  truly,  truly  believed  him. ‘The  delusion  that  I  can  drink  like  other  people  was  smashed  that  day’.  I  returned  home  that  night and  finally  saw  the  beer  cans  and  cigarette  butts  strewn  all  over.  The  ‘icing’  on  the  cake  was  the ribbons   of   mould   over   a   huge   puddle   of   stale   beer   on   my   white   shoe   shelf.   I   have   done   many shameful  things  during  my  drinking.  But  nothing  had  ever  disgusted  me  to  the  core  of  my  being  as seeing  rotting  beer.  I’d  never  seen  rotting  beer  before  because  I’d  always  managed  to  finish  it.  I didn’t  see  the  mess  until  that  day  and  I  had  no  idea  when  and  how  this  had  happened.  I  also  didn’t know  what  other  mess  lurked  in  my  apartment.  I  realized  that  I  couldn’t  drink  SAFELY  even  in  my own  home,  the  keyword  being  ‘safely’.  Insane  as  it  may  seem,  that  was  the  moment  when  I  finally admitted  that  I  was  powerless  over  alcohol  and  that  if  I  couldn’t  drink  safely  even  in  my  own  home, my  life  was  indeed  unmanageable.  ‘I  had  conceded  to  my  innermost  self  that  I  was  alcoholic’.  That was  my  step  one  moment.  And  the  beer  stain  still  exists  on  my  shoe-­‐shelf  to  remind  me  of  that  fact. I  haven’t  picked  up  a  drink  since  that  day.

I  have  since  come  to  realize  that  the  only  reason  I  drank  that  night  is  because  I  am  an  alcoholic.  Even after   attending   AA   meetings,   reading   the   Big   Book   and   identifying   with   other   members,   I   didn’t understand  powerlessness.  I  had  ‘lost  the  power  of  choice  in  drink.’  The  choice  I  had  lost  was  not just  how  much  I  drink.  The  choice  I  had  lost  was  WHETHER  I  would  drink. And  this  is  the  most  significant  lesson  I  learnt  during  my  relapse  –  that  I  had  an  alcoholic  MIND.  I  am ‘absolutely  unable  to  stop  drinking  on  the  basis  of  self-­‐knowledge’  that  I  have  a  disease  of  the  body that  manifests  itself  as  a  craving.  The  mental  obsession  of  this  disease  manifests  itself  in  the  form  of a  sudden  thought  that  drives  me  to  drink.  One  could  very  easily  replace  Jim’s  and  Fred’s  name  with mine  because  what  preceded  my  first  drink  is  the  same  as  theirs  –  a  sudden  thought.  I  don’t  need  a plausible  excuse  to  drink.  What  makes  me  an  alcoholic  is  the  fact  that  my  mind  gets  hijacked  by  my alcoholism  and  drives  me  to  drink  irrespective  of  whether  there  was  a  plausible  excuse  or  not  and irrespective  of  whether  I  have  a  desire  to  or  not. If  you  have  relapsed,  read  the  Big  Book  and  identify  those  lines  that  directly  relate  to  the  mental obsession  for  alcohol.  Relapse  is  an  exercise  in  attempting  to  regain  power  over  alcohol.  It  is  only after  realizing  the  nature  of  our  mental  obsession  that  we  can  finally  admit  our  powerlessness  and surrender  to  a  Higher  Power.