Continued  to  take  personal  inventory  and  when  we  were  wrong  promptly  admitted  it. Many  A.A.  pioneers  described  Steps  Ten,  Eleven  and  Twelve  as  the  Guidance  Steps.    In  Step  Ten,  we are  guided  to  take  Steps  Four  through  Nine  on  a  daily  basis.    In  Step  Eleven,  we  follow  the  guidance we  receive  upon  awakening  and  throughout  the  day.    In  Step  Twelve,  we  let  the  “One  who  has  all power”  guide  us  as  we  work  with  others. The  key  to  the  Tenth  Step  is  the  word  “continue.”    In  the  second  paragraph  on  page  84,  the  “Big Book”  authors  emphasize  the  importance  of  continuing  to  take  the  Steps.

“This  .  .  .  brings  us  to  Step  Ten,  which  suggests  we  continue  to  take  personal inventory  and  continue  to  set  right  any  new  mistakes  as  we  go  along.    We  vigorously commenced  this  way  of  living  as  we  cleaned  up  the  past.    We  have  entered  the  world of  the  Spirit.    Our  next  function  is  to  grow  in  understanding  and  effectiveness.    This  is not  an  overnight  matter.  It  should  continue  for  our  lifetime.  .  .  .” Please   note   that   in   this   paragraph,   the   “Big   Book”   authors   dramatically   change   their   sense   of urgency  with  regard  to  the  steps.    Until  this  point,  the  authors  have  used  words  such  as,  “next,”  “at once,”  “promptly,”  and  “we  waste  no  time”  to  stress  the  importance  of  taking  the  first  nine  steps  in a  couple  of  hours.    Now  they  tell  us  we  are  to  practice  the  Guidance  steps  daily  for  the  rest  of  our lives. “We  have  entered  the  world  of  the  Spirit,”  provides  us  with  an  amazing  revelation.    Basically,  the authors  have  just  told  us  we  have  already  experienced  a  spiritual  transformation  as  the  direct  result of  taking  Steps  One  through  Nine.    Because  we  have  done  “certain  simple  things,  there  has  been  a revolutionary  change  in  (our)  way  of  living  and  thinking.” Instead  of  remaining  imprisoned  by  “a  hundred  forms  of  fear,  self-­‐delusion,  self-­‐seeking  and  self-­‐ pity,”  we  have  been  set  free  by  of  our  “consciousness  of  the  Presence  of  God.”  As  the  “Big  Book” authors   write,   “Every   day   is   a   day   when   we   must   carry   the   vision   of   God’s   will   into   all   of   our activities.” Some  of  these  activities  are  described  in  the  next  three  sentences  on  page  84.    Here  the  “Big  Book” authors  present  a  clear  and  concise  summary  of  the  activities  associated  with  the  inventory  and restitution  process.  Because  they  are  re-­‐examining  Steps  Four  through  Nine,  they  again  emphasize the  need  to  do  this  work  “at  once,”  “immediately,”  and  “quickly.”

“.   .   .   Continue   to   watch   for   selfishness,   dishonesty,   resentment,   and fear.    When  these  crop  up,  we  ask  God  at  once  to  remove  them.    We discuss   them   with   someone   immediately   and   make   amends   quickly   if we  have  harmed  anyone.  .  .  .” Let’s  recap  what  the  “Big  Book”  authors  have  just  written.    “When  these  crop  up  (the  Step  Four liabilities   of   selfishness,   dishonesty,   resentment,   and   fear),   we   ask   God   at   once   to   remove   them (Steps  Six  and  Seven).    We  discuss  them  with  someone  immediately  (Step  Five),  and  make  amends quickly  if  we  have  harmed  anyone  (Steps  Eight  and  Nine).” The  next  two  sentences  provide  additional  insight  into  our  new  way  of  living.

“.   .   .   Then   we   resolutely   turn   our   thoughts   to   someone   we   can   help.     Love   and tolerance  of  others  is  our  code.”

Assisting  others  through  the  Steps  solidifies  our  own  recovery.    As  we  will  learn  in  Step  Twelve, “nothing  will  so  much  insure  immunity  from  (relapse)  as  intensive  work  with  other(s).” Together,  these  five  sentences  hold  the  key  to  the  spiritual  solution  to  our  problems.  We  now  know precisely  what  we  have  to  do  to  stay  in  “the  sunlight  of  the  Spirit.” James  H.,  an  A.A.  pioneer  from  the  1930’s,  used  to  describe  this  transition  from  the  problem  to  the solution  with  these  words:  “We  can  live  in  the  past  and  make  excuses  or  live  in  the  present  and make  a  difference.    The  choice  is  ours.” By  choosing  to  take  the  Steps  and  by  choosing  “love  and  tolerance”  as  our  code,  we  will  make  a difference,   not   only   in   our   own   lives,   but   also   in   the   lives   of   “countless   others.”     We   will   also experience  miracles  beyond  our  wildest  dreams. One  of  these  miracles  is  the  assurance  that,  if  we  practice  these  spiritual  activities  on  a  daily  basis, we  will  overcome  all  our  difficulties.    In  the  third  paragraph  on  page  84,  the  authors  write:

“And  we  have  ceased  fighting  anything  or  anyone—even  alcohol.    For  by  this time  sanity  will  have  returned.    We  will  seldom  be  interested  in  liquor.    If  tempted, we  recoil  from  it  as  from  a  hot  flame.    We  react  sanely  and  normally  and  we  will  find that  this  has  happened  automatically.  .  .  .  We  have  not  even  sworn  off.    Instead  the problem  has  been  removed.    It  does  not  exist  for  us.  .  .  .  That  is  how  we  react  so  long as  we  keep  in  fit  spiritual  condition.” What  a  message  of  hope!    The  “problem  has  been  removed.”    Now,  all  we  have  to  do  is  maintain our  “fit  spiritual  condition.” How  do  we  do  this?  By  taking  a  daily  inventory.    What  is  our  reward?    A  daily  reprieve. The  directions  for  taking  the  Tenth  Step  are  in  the  second  paragraph  on  page  84.    The  Tenth  Step question  reads: “Will  you  continue  to  take  personal  inventory  and  continue  to  set  right  any  new  mistakes  as  you  go along?” If  you  can  answer  in  the  affirmative,  you  have  taken  Step  Ten.    Next  session,  we  will  look  at  Step Eleven,  which  has  to  do  with  prayer  and  meditation.    Some  A.A.  pioneers  called  this  process  “two-­‐ way  prayer,”  which  consists  of  talking  and  listening  to  the  “God-­‐consciousness  within.”

The  Monkey  is  off  my  Back  but  the  Circus  is  still  in  Town  !!

I  was  a  daily  drinker  since  I  was  15.    I  found  something  finally  that  would  take  away  the  pain  of  living for  me.  I  had  a  very  abusive  childhood  and  I  needed  something  to  numb  me  on  a  daily  basis.  I  could not  stand  being  me  sober  and  I  didn’t  have  the  guts  to  kill  myself  so  all  I  had  was  the  booze  to  keep me  sane.  By  the  age  of  19  I  knew  I  had  a  serious  problem  with  drinking  but  I  couldn’t  stop.  I  saw many   shrinks   and   therapists   but   nothing   worked.   So   I   continued   to   drink   and   also   found   other substances  to  mix  things  up  a  bit  to  take  me  further  away  from  myself.  My  twenties  were  just  a  blur. I  don’t  remember  too  much  but  I  know  it  was  not  good.  After  two  drink  driving  convictions  and  a police  charge  sheet  as  long  as  your  arm  there  was  enough  evidence  that  my  drinking  was  out  of control  and  very  ugly. When  I  was  30  I  met  a  girl  who  was  also  an  addict  and  one  day  we  just  decided  to  go  travelling  for  a year,  so  we  packed  in  our  jobs  and  off  we  went  through  Canada,  America,  Hawaii,  Australia  and  New Zealand.  We  drank  ourselves  to  oblivion  every  day  and  fought  most  of  the  time.  I  am  so  glad  I  took  a camera  with  me,  as  I  have  no  real  recollection  of  the  trip.  I  have  to  look  at  the  photos  and  think,  well I  must  have  been  there.  Such  a  waste  of  a  once  in  a  life  time  opportunity.  Anyway  she  got  pregnant on  the  trip  and  so  we  went  back  home  and  tried  to  play  happy  family.  She  cleaned  up  as  she  was pregnant  but  I  continued  to  get  worse  and  worse.  I  bought  a  nice  house  for  our  new  family  and  had a  good  job  in  the  city  but  I  was  still  miserable.  I  would  have  drugs  in  the  ashtray  of  the  car,  vodka  in the  boot  so  I  would  always  have  something  to  fix  me.    In  the  end  I  lost  the  whole  lot,  the  car,  the house  and  the  family. Eventually  I  got  myself  into  rehab.  I  had  a  month  in  rehab  and  came  out  and  remained  sober  for  6 months  but  I  just  didn’t  get  the  program  and  felt  so  alone  and  the  pain  was  enough  for  me  to  go back  out.    After  my  first  week  of  relapse  I  met  a  new  girl,  whom  I  thought,  would  fix  everything  but funny  enough  didn’t!!!  After  about  a  year  she  got  a  job  offer  in  Singapore  so  I  just  said  take  it  and let’s  get  out  of  here.  Running  from  all  my  problems  seemed  a  good  plan. Well   after   the   first   month   of   drinking   in   Singapore   I   was   further   down   the   toilet   than   I   was   in London.  I  was  drinking  more  and  more  and  I  was  going  totally  mad.  I  would  sit  there  on  my  own talking  to  myself,  having  hallucinations,  making  random  noises  and  swearing  at  anyone  who  dared to  come  near  me  in  the  bar  or  on  the  street.  Every  night  my  poor  girlfriend  had  to  come  and  collect me  from  the  bars  and  put  up  with  my  mental  state  as  we  walked  home.  Oh  the  embarrassment  she must  have  felt!! One  night  I  was  into  my  third  pint  of  my  usual  session  just  getting  nicely  warmed  up  and  I  heard  this voice  in  my  head.  It  was  so  clear;  “what  are  you  doing,  you  can’t  do  this  anymore,  you  are  killing yourself  -­‐  its  only  a  matter  of  time.”

The  experience  was  so  profound  and  unexpected  it  stopped  me  in  my  tracks.  I  knew  I  had  to  do something.  I  was  in  so  much  mental  and  physical  pain  I  had  to  find  a  way  to  stop  drinking.  I  got  up from  the  bar,  leaving  my  drink  half  finished  (a  first  for  me  I’ll  tell  you!!!),  and  walked  home  vowing to  never  drink  again.  I  told  my  girlfriend  I  was  done  and  I’m  quitting  tomorrow.  She  just  looked  at me,  like,  “yeah  heard  that  one  before  see  you  at  the  bar  tomorrow!!” Well  I  stuck  to  my  promise  and  the  next  day  I  walked  into  the  fellowship  at  Raffles  Place  and  I  have remained  sober  ever  since.  My  life  today,  I  would  say,  is  not  exactly  beyond  my  wildest  dreams  but it’s  a  hell  of  a  lot  better  than  the  toilet  where  I  was.  Living  life  sober  is  still  very  hard  at  times  and  I can  still  be  a  bit  nuts,  as  they  say  the  monkey  is  off  your  back  but  the  circus  is  still  in  town.  But  I  have learnt  to  live  life  on  life’s  terms  and  not  to  run  anymore  or  look  for  the  answers  at  the  bottom  of  the glass. I’ve  done  many  things  that  I’m  not  proud  of,  and  in  some  cases,  completely  and  utterly  ashamed  of. One  of  the  most  difficult  parts  of  the  past  few  years  has  been  forgiving  myself,  and  some  days  that  is still   a   work   in   progress.   But   by   getting   a   sponsor,   working   the   steps   and   being   brutally   honest, especially  on  my  Step  4,  I  don’t  have  to  use  today  to  escape  any  undesirable  feelings  or  just  get  as far   away   from   myself   as   possible.     I   have   a   support   network   and   tools   that   I   have   learnt   in   the fellowship  that  helps  me  face  daily  challenges  as  they  come. It  has  been  quite  a  journey  so  far,  one  that  has  been  filled  with  self-­‐realization,  pain,  joy,  discovery, tears,  laughter,  forgiveness  and  cleaning  up  the  wreckage  of  my  past. One   of   the   best   things   I   was   told   and   I’m   just   realizing   is   “recovery   is   to   be   enjoyed   and   not endured”.    I  have  been  slow  to  learn  this  but  I  am  starting  to  see  we  can  have  fun  sober;  I  was certainly  not  having  any  fun  whilst  drinking!!! So  for  me  it’s  be  a  long  road  so  far  but  things  are  finally  getting  a  lot  clearer.  It’s  just  taken  time  for me  to  heal  from  24  years  of  drinking.  You  have  to  give  time  time,  as  my  sponsor  tells  me  and  for once  he  is  right!!!  (haha)  Everyone’s  recovery  is  different.  There  is  not  a  time  limit.    Just  keep  doing the  work  and  taking  action  and  your  life  will  change  so  much  you  wont  even  recognize  it.  Mine certainly  has. I   am   so   grateful   to   everyone   in   the   fellowship   who   has   been   with   me   on   my   journey,   with   my strength  and  courage  and  your  love  and  support  I  have  been  able  to  remain  sober  for  two  years  one day  at  a  time. I  wish  you  all  well  on  your  own  journeys  and  watch  out  for  that  monkey!!!! Anonymous