I came in drunk. Drunk and powerless over alcohol. “I have not hit rock bottom.”

understood him. Any form, any being, any religion, anything really, as long I was willing. So, I started with a belief in a higher power, without a picture or a name. The next day, I woke up sober and I did not WANT to drink.

Sobriety came, but the sadness and the resentment lingered. I quietly heard the shares from fellows, amazed by how easily they talked about their most vulnerable and ridiculous moments. All the while I felt a deep, natural flow of love and care from them. I had never experienced that before.

“No one else knows I am drunk.”

“I can have one more.”

“I can work better than others even when drunk.”

The fourth step was difficult: after all, I thought, I had been the victim so had not done anything wrong. And then the ninth step “surely needed an exception” so I did not have to make amends to the person who had hurt me the most. Once again, it all came together, one day at a time, as long as I was willing to try, as my beautiful sponsor gently reminded me.

I had tried AA out of desperation on an online course. Online because I was even ashamed to acknowledge to myself that I was an alcoholic, so a “public” admission would hit me hard. The course did not work for me though. I dismissed it as “all about God” and “there are 12 steps!”

Surely, I thought, I can go back to my willpower and stop – that is only one step. My willpower works on everything, you know.

Today, I have shared more in the rooms than I ever have in my entire life. I have found more peace than I ever thought possible, I am happier than I have ever been. Things are not perfect all the time, but I know it will be good. Because Thy will, not mine, be done.

Coming to the rooms has been the most life-changing experience of my life. The changes swept through my body, my mind and then my soul. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. They still do. The first step was powerlessness over alcohol; I was already in.

Then, I discovered a new meaning of unmanageability: my life was deteriorating fast and I had no control over it. I knew I would hit rock bottom and I was solely responsible for it. The second step was about God, but God as we