Further reflection on Step One brought about a different understanding of its context. The first two parts of this step are separated by a dash—not a hyphen. A dash fulfills both segments of a sentence, e.g.: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”

efforts were not superficial: No more Lucky Strike cigarettes! High protein milkshakes! Running! Handball! Swimming! Weightlifting! Why I felt wonderful! Who needs booze? I was like the guy on page 57 of the Big Book (Fitz M): “He couldn’t drink if he would.” But alas, I came to believe that I had to drink whether I chose to or not—it would seem as though “quitting drinking” just got me drunk—and often in short order. Could I have the dramatic relief as Fitz? Well, like Fitz, I asked God for help and have not had to drink alcohol since my very first AA meeting. Choosing to drink alcohol has been removed from my emotional vocabulary, e.g.: Choosing “to drink” or “not to drink” no longer occurs to me. I certainly hope that “choice in drink” never returns.

At first, I considered the second part “unmanageable” to mean; drunk tanks, getting fired again, losing friends, etc.—and it sort of does. However, much more prevalent is the word “powerlessness” in the first part which had caused my life to become “unmanageable.” My real powerlessness was when I started drinking, I could not stop, but when I stopped drinking, I could not stop starting. (Physical Allergy and Mental Obsession). While years of “quitting drinking” failure by use of willpower, I never knew about the allergy-obsession syndrome: I never realized that I was powerless; that I had: “no choice in the matter of drink.” (p. 24 of the BB) As alcoholic despair deepened throughout the last Twenty-four years of drinking. My